The Glade 4.0

My daughter is in 3rd grade (will be 9 years old next month).

When your kids of that age are/were overtired, do they still totally melt down on you? I've been getting screamed at the last few days, usually close to bedtime. (Got kicked in the face too, but I don't think she intended that...) Last week was all standardized testing, and they put a lot of pressure on the kids for it.

Amusing moment while trying to get her homework done: "Mom! You don't understand math!!!" (We were just doing a subtraction problem.)

Then she decided she was going to run away because "she always makes things worse". I solved that with a big hug and some hot chocolate, and she finally settled down.

She's also bringing up that I "don't want what's best for her" because her father doesn't live here. (We divorced in 2008.) We still cooperatively parent, and back each other up, and she splits her time with both of us. She wants both of us under the same roof, which obviously just isn't going to happen.

But, is this typical?

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?

It can be. PM me if you want to commiserate. Not sure I have much wisdom, but I do have plenty of experience with this sort of thing.

Yes.

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"It is true that democracy undermines freedom when voters believe they can live off of others' productivity, when they modify the commandment: 'Thou shalt not steal, except by majority vote.' The politics of plunder is no doubt destructive of both morality and the division of labor."

It stays that way too. My oldest didn't really melt down, but even in high school any time there was standardized testing going on she was miserable for a week.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

I expect an outburst now and then, but this month has been far worse than usual. It's stressful and draining, esp. with no one else here to tag in and help.

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?

Yes. Very much so.

Testing limits, expressing her displeasure and her independence (as she sees it) playing control games, and being very aware of her power over you.

You also aren't perfect anymore, and never will be again.

She knows you and her father aren't getting back together but it is a useful distraction. She loves both of you and doesn't understand why you don't love each other.

As I remember your ex husband is rather manipulative. Remember that your daughter is also his daughter and if you let those behaviors continue she will keep and refine any techniques that work. She's learning, experimenting, and developing her coping and control skills.

Love her, but teach her that the bad behavior is not going to work on you. She may also benefit from some counseling, if you have the benefits available to afford that, fewer and fewer people do these days.

Treat it like a fencing match. Just don't riposte without thinking first. She is at the stage where she will take anything you say in the worst possible way. Be loving and supportive, but also strong, fearless, and consistent.

She is young and quick and learns from her peers, both talking to them and watching them. She will continue to experiment to see what works and what doesn't.

Hugs.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

I will fifth that, or whatever. Standardized testing last week, and this. Micheal is wise, as usual. My kids' meltdowns (especially my son's) gravitate toward wanted attention from me, which usually means wrestling for a half-hour before he'll go to bed. That's usually when I get kicked in the face

Good luck.

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This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

For more misery loving company, with my oldest turning 10 in a few months:

Am there, doing that.

Thanks all. Sometimes it's hard to gauge if it's just me dealing with this, or if it's just typical for the age.

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?

Wondering that is also very normal.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones