The Glade 4.0

We have all heard the expression “I just don’t give a ****”; however, just what is the value of the **** we’re supposed to give? I propose this currency exchange format as a function of mental stress over remuneration. Remuneration can come in several different formats as it relates to the concept of mental stress. It can be money as expressed in dollars per hour or it can be physical affection or even actual ****.

In simple terms, the amount of **** can be expressed in terms of 1Ӻ = $1/hr. This is the basic rate of exchange. One Ӻ can be converted down into 5 Shits(Ş), and each **** converts to 10 good goddamns(ǥǥ). There is also the **** Sterling that works out to 2Ӻ3Ş, but few people use that denomination.

People that have simple jobs that don’t require a lot of mental anguish can calculate the expenditure of with a simple ratio. Ӻ(MA)/$. For most people this ratio will be positive if they’re lucky. This also explains why people choose to use cigarettes or alcohol to decrease their sunk **** cost. The actual cost of giving a Ӻ can vary. This is why a lawyer or a doctor gets paid more, but can often seem just as stressed out as a fast food employee.

Generally speaking, inflow of Ӻ is a direct rate. Since $/hr = Ӻ, one is provided with **** to give at a fairly steady rate. Some jobs can have a higher cost per Ӻ, and some job sites can even have a Ӻ over time component, where just being there costs a certain amount per hour. This is expressed as Ӻ/T.

For example, take a retail worker. This retail worker is paid at a rate of 10Ӻ/hr. However, said worker also works in a soul crushing environment that is has a Ӻ/T component of 2. This results in a net of 8Ӻ/hr. So, to not have a negative Ӻ balance, this worker must manage as if he has 8Ӻ available to him per hour. Certain interactions with customers or management can cost on the order of an entire **** or even just a couple of shits.


The actual cost of giving a **** is variable, and can be altered with pharmaceuticals. Prozac is known to provide up to a 30% reduction in **** giving. It doesn’t necessarily alter the inflow of **** as a constant, but it does make the expenditure of a Ӻ to require approximately 30% more effort. However, since the effort required to actually *give* the **** is higher, the expenditure of the **** does not actually occur until that threshold is reached. So, with the addition of Prozac, more **** are conserved that would actually be spent otherwise frivolously.

Certain other aspects of daily life can also cause the expenditure of Ӻ. Family, friends, and other such things can be actually quite expensive in terms of the **** as generally speaking, one is not paid to interact with these people. Friends and Family can have a positive influence on the actual cost of a Ӻ, in that the stress level can be reduced by love, sex, or other such things to mitigate the cost of giving a ****. In fact, it is actually possible to reduce the cost of an Ӻ to a negative amount, resulting in a net *increase* of ****. This phenomenon is relatively rare though as all Ӻ will eventually cost in the end. There’s no such thing as a free Ӻ.

A word on Non-Work **** giving. Perhaps the reason that having to give a **** about things related to friends or family is that one is not being remunerated for them. Friend wants you to help him move? **** that, I ain’t gettin paid for it. Friend offers you a 6 pack of beer and a pizza? Well, now you’re talkin. It is basic human nature to need to get something for giving something. Even if the something is symbolic. This is the Esoteric **** Conversion theory. Ec=(Lv*Ӻ*T)/$. Where LsubV is the amount of affection or love that one has for one’s friends. Time multiplied by the **** you’re expected to give multiplied again by the amount of goodwill towards your friend/family member, then divided by the amount of remuneration expected will give you EsubC. Let’s give an example. To use the moving example from above, we’ll say that it’ll take approximately 6 hours for you to help Bob move. You’re not sure that you really want to give that many **** to Bob and tell him so. Bob then offers you pizza and beer, knowing that you like such things. You budget 5 Ӻ for Bob. So, before you get to Bob’s house, the equation looks like this:
Ec=(2*5*6)/15.

Since Bob’s not family, his Lv number is 2, meaning that he’s a pretty good friend but not really someone you’d take a bullet for. Family can be less than one, ranging down to .01 or so for kids. But since Lv is highly volatile, that number can fluctuate wildly depending on mood. The Ec number to help Bob move is at 4, meaning that over the course of 6 hours, it will cost approximately 4 of your Ӻ to help him move. Which is not really a great deal for Bob, as he’s getting 4Ӻ for 15 bucks worth of pizza and beer. Since you are quite fond of pizza and beer, this works out for you as well. Now let’s say you get to Bob’s house, and he ain’t packed ****. The time investment rises from 6 to 13 hours as you need to wrap individually Bob’s collection of priceless Yankee memorabilia, sort the collection of vintage porn, and locate more boxes from the liquor store. Now, the equation looks thus:

Ec=(4*5*13)/15

Now, you’re pissed at Bob, represented by his higher Lv number(remember its volatility), and the Ec number has shot up to over 17 from its previous rate of 4. Now, you can do two things, tell Bob to go **** himself and leave, or, more likely just be mad at him with the stress of having to give so many additional ****. Phrases like “You owe me for this” and “Jesus Bob, why are you such a lazy slob” may be uttered.

There is a certain subset to Lv called Lvu. This represents the unconditional love received from children and pets. Lvu can be used in the Ec equation just the same as its superset as it is fairly interchangeable. The good thing about Lvu is that it is nowhere near as volatile, and tends towards values less than one. In fact, the Lvu of a mature golden retriever has been measured in the low hundredths. These beings require little from you, and give much of themselves. In fact, when dealing with some pets and children, the cost can be measured by negative Ӻ. This effect can be seen by having a tough day at work, and coming home to your beloved pet and feeling less stressed just by their presence.

How this all relates to the stress of everyday life is simple. When someone runs out of Ӻ to give, they enter a state of deficit spending. A person is often required to give Ӻ that they don’t have, and when this is the case, this causes stress. It is possible for a person to run a deficit for an extended period of time, but this could end up causing anger, depression, and other sorts of mental manifestations of just being unable to pay the Ӻ bill. In the case of serious deficit spending, this can also cause physical health issues as well. Fatigue, headaches, high blood pressure, etc. The only way to break this deficit condition, is simply to give out less Ӻ. It would also be helpful to reduce the coefficients in most of your Ec calculations. Spend more time with the people that provide decimal Lv, get a pet, rub one out, take some meds, smoke a bowl, whatever. Just remember that Ӻ is a constant, its how much you spend on them that changes.