The Glade 4.0

Just found out that one of my single friends is in a relationship with a guy who's married with a 1 year old child... I know them both and know that neither one feels bad about it... yet I feel horrible. I've met the wife a couple of times and have spoken to her maybe a total of 10 sentences... but I feel so bad for her that I feel the need to tell her. I've stopped short cause of my friend.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, maybe my morals are doing their round. But why do I feel so bad when they are the ones who should be feeling bad... I'm gonna go and try to talk to my friend out of it tonight. I find myself unable to look at her without wanting to berate her... >.<

I wish someone had told me, or gave me a hint, at least..then maybe it wouldn't have been as bad. I had no idea, I attributed the withdrawal to being busy, blah blah. But when I asked and tried to talk about it he said everything was fine, just stressful at work. /sigh hindsight is 20/20, looking back now there were clues.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Okay, first off, your friend is being stupid and the guy is a jerk. You owe him nothing and pulling your friend out of the fire is probably the best thing you could do for her in the long run.

It is a lose-lose situation. If you tell on your friend, she will feel betrayed. If you don't tell the wife will feel betrayed by everyone who knew when she finally does find out.

So, if you're going to lose anyway, do what you feel is right.

However, consider asking your mother for advise on what to do and how to do it.

Then again, I'm really old fashioned about this kind of stuff.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Let me tell you this. It really sucks when you are the last person to know. You never quiet look at the people who did know the same.

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Raell Kromwell

so true..I'm still not talking to some of my "friends", it made me feel like they were on his side because essentially they were protecting him.

Lydiaa, it is a bad situation, but I agree with Micheal, try to talk sense into your friend, there is a child involved, that makes things even worse. Or maybe talk to the guy and give him the chance to fix things or man up and stop.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

I wouldn't make your intention to tell the wife known, lest they formulate some plan that could make things backfire on you.

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The Dude abides.

Just send an email to his wife...feel free to copy paste the following

"Your husband is **** (fill in name), I am going to America to hang out with my over protective, gun nut friends. Have a nice day."

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Raell Kromwell

I wouldn't tell the wife. Their relationship, regardless of how you feel about it morally, is their business. If the wife is not your best friend, I would try to just let it go. I would advise your friend to not walk this path, but in the end, it's up to them.

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It feels like all the people who want limited government really just want government limited to Republicans.
---The Daily Show

You should probably go to the offending party (parties?) first. I'm not saying take telling her off the table, but give them a chance to do right before making things public.

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I prefer to think of them as "Fighting evil in another dimension"

This doesn't fly. It's "their relationship"? What about the husband and the wife's relationship? Isn't it her business if her husband is @#$*ing around on her? The parties involved are doing everything they can to keep her in the dark about her own business. That certainly isn't fair to her.

Hell, they're risking her health without her knowledge because she may very well be having unprotected sex with her own (unbenknowst to her) sexually active husband. And seeing as he "doesn't feel bad about it", what guarantee do you have that he isn't cheating on her with other people you don't even know about? There's no telling what she could be exposing herself to. That alone is ample reason to inform her of what's going on in her relationship.

I know I may sound like a grade-A dick to some of you for saying this, but at least with respect to this situation, the husband and your friend are both being complete low-life assholes. If I were you, I would tell the wife and find myself some better friends that don't do this kind of ****. Seriously. I mean, I hate to point out the obvious, but if this is how much respect they have for the deepest, most personal relationship a person can have in life, how much respect do you really think they have for "lesser" relationships like friendships? This should be a big red flag.

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Sail forth! steer for the deep waters only!
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me;
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go,
And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

I completely agree with Stathol here. The longer she is kept in the dark about it, the more harm it will do her when she finally finds out. And when she finds out a bunch of people were intentionally keeping her in the dark, she might lash out on those people. People who cheat are the lowest of the low. Scum that isn't worth anyone's time. People who see married people are almost as low(if they know the person is married. If the cheater hides it from them, the cheater is cheating on two different people). That is not the kind of person I would associate myself with.

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Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

I agree with Stathol too.

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

Getting back to the original point in the title of the thread, why do you feel so bad.

We are taught from childhood not to tell on our friends, that there is some kind of bond that we have with our friends that makes the little things they do that are not on the up and up cool and acceptable because hey, they're getting away with something, go our team.

This is fun and acceptable when its cutting a class (not continually), dressing sexy away from home, or any of the other minor childhood misdeeds.

You have now reached the point in your life where you realize that some things are just a little too far, a little too wrong to just go along with for the sake of friendship. You admit that you barely know the wife, but feel bad for her.

Congratulations, you have a moral compass, you can tell right from wrong, and you kind of understand one simple truth - bad behavior at this level equates to bad character behind the facade. You aren't feeling a lot of respect for your friend right now, you're kind of repulsed and disgusted with her behavior.

Next you're probably thinking that if she does this to someone else's husband, she would do it with mine, or my boyfriend, or some guy I'm just getting to know. She has no boundaries, she's just out for the fun/pleasure, and this isn't love, it is just an affair. Is she trying to steal the husband for her own or just playing with a new toy for awhile? Neither answer would be good.

So get over the don't rat on your friend bit. She will do it to you in the future if the opportunity opens.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

I confronted my friend, told her she sucked for putting me in this situation and that I was going to tell the wife. She understands, and this is where it gets complicated.

He's going through some financial troubles atm (at 23? seriously >.<) and moved into her house last week. While she understands the complications, she didnt find out until this week that he was married (Hello, he was lying to you from the start, duh!) and now it's hard to kick him out. (No It's not, let me help!... she turned me down on that >.<)

So I told the wife, and kept a friend. Good thing is, wife already sorta knew it. (He's done it previously, and quite often it seems) Bad thing is, now that it's all out in the open, I have some obligation to be more supportive of my friend then the wife, even though I still feel sorry for her.

As to why I'm still friends with my friend? She's a really good friend. Supportive, sweet, caring... It's only when it comes to guys does she seem to invite herself into these situations. (This is also where i got all the inside psych on girls who wants to have drama)

And Michael, I'm not scared of her stealing my bf/fiance/husband. I firmly believe in self responsibility and if the guy I'm dating/married to can not say no to a girl, then he's not worth keeping in the first place. Of course if she did offer and I found out, I'd be kicking her arse side ways out of my life as well.

So I guess in the end it ended better then I thought, and I feel much better. I also told both of them that I'm not going to be a go between, if they want to talk out their issues, I gave their respective Msn to both. Good thing I'm going on holidays in China in a week, hopefully they'd have thought it out before I come back. ( 3weeks)

I think you made the right choice. Having been the last to know... really sucked. I could've ended the marriage years before (and before we started a family - not that I'd give up my daughter for the world now!). But things would've been so different.

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?

I agree , think you made right choice in a bad situation. I'm sorry u had to deal with this too Serienya

Ps i cked my posts, no names that he could google and he never went on the RL section of The Glade so he wouldn't know about rebooted. Not sure I would really use plan B, but it does feel good at times to have fantasies. Court date is coming soon and hopefully I can get past this. Been told recently I need to snap out of the self pity party..doncha just love friends that tell it like it is.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

The best ones are the ones who are blunt and upfront with ya... We've forced a friend to burn teddies from an ex, and other paper work. She eventually thanked us, but at the time we had to physically restrain her when we lit the fire. Char-Grilled best friends don't look good on your friend CV.

It's all part of the healing process, you need to hit rock bottom before you can make your way back up.

The offer of free booze and beautiful beaches are open if you feel like flying down for a quick get away. The guys here aint as smooth as the ones I've found in the US but they are more down to earth usually.

Oh and yeah i'm really happy how it turned out. No more guilt for me from either side, now i can go and finally relax for my holiday.

I do hope you're referring to lingerie and not the venerable Teddy Bear. Stuffed animals can be donated to kids shelters in a heartbeat. Lingerie, not so much recycling there.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Er... There's a lingerie named Teddies? Really?

No it was physical teddies, the poor thing was crying herself to sleep hugging it, so it had to go. Unfortunately it wasn't a time to think of others. I've always believed you need to help yourself before you can help others.

Anyways, side note. Seems like I'm really cynical to all males I know atm. This is bad, it's like I'm taking out my frustration at other people. *sigh* Must get over this somehow >.<

I could send you a teddy.

The lingerie, not the bear.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

I really want to image google... but I'm too scared to do it at work >.<

they don't have "teddies" in Australia?

Victoria Secret..Lydiaa

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

First up on Google. For safeties sake, I've spoilered the link.

NSFW!

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Lingerie diva? lots of teddies

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

You'll get through it.

A wise friend once told me that you can either let pain refine you or define you. I recommend the former.

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?