Müs wrote:
Would you love your wife any less if you didn't have the piece of paper that said you were "married"?
That's irrelevant. It's not a matter of "love" and "legal ****".
How about a similar situation? I adopted my oldest daughter. We went through a lot of "legal ****" to make it happen, but now she's my daughter, not my stepdaughter, or my wife's or girlfriend's daughter, or anything like that. The courts altered her birth certificate to reflect my information at the time she was born. If you read it and didn't know already, you could not tell that I'm not her biological donor; you'd think my wife and I were **** in high school and had a little "oopsie!"
If they didn't have legal adoption and just based it on.. well, whatever, people liking their SO's kid enough to pay for shoes and stuff it wouldn't change how much I love her, but that's not the issue. The issue is that she's my kid, and I'm responsible for her (although she's an adult now) and she's part of my next of kin if something happens to me. No one else can legitimately question that; we went through the approved societal process to become family members of each other and everyone else
must recognize it. No one gets the choice to say "you're not her real dad"; it is not a matter of opinion because I stood in front of a judge in a public hearing and said "yes, I am willing to take full parental responsibility for this child's welfare, growth, education, etc." and the judge acknowledged that as a duly appointed representative of the legal system.
Without that process, it would be open to dispute any time I wanted to represent myself as her father because there would be no objective "yes" or "no". Similarly, I could say "well, I'm tired of her, so **** this" and ditch her. Every time I signed a paper for school or something, it would be open to doubt.
Same thing with marriage. There needs to be a legal standard of "you are" or "you aren't" so that the responsibilities of the parties to each other are not in question, and more importantly, so third parties can't have a say. Love isn't relevant to this; love isn't a qualifier for legal marriage. People can get married for whatever reason they want. The reason we have marriage is because most people want to get together and raise a family with someone, and it's easier if they can represent themselves to the world as a single family entity for.. well, almost anything. But, we don't make people adhere to that reason in order to get married. Still, people need to either be married or not married, regardless of how we might revise what we permit as marriage.