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 Post subject: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 11:32 am 
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http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/nj-tee ... 04488.html

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Teen Sues Parents for Cash, College Tuition
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A New Jersey teenager claiming that her mother and father tossed her out of their home and cut her off financially is suing them for immediate support, current private-school fees and future college tuition. The parents, meanwhile, say that daughter Rachel Canning, 18, moved out voluntarily after refusing to abide by their rules.

“We love our child and miss her. This is terrible. It’s killing me and my wife,” Rachel's father, Sean Canning, a town administrator and retired police officer, tells the Daily Record. “We have a child we want home. We’re not Draconian and now we’re getting hauled into court. She’s demanding that we pay her bills but she doesn’t want to live at home, and she’s saying, ‘I don’t want to live under your rules.’” The rules, he notes, include reconsidering her relationship with a boyfriend who may be a bad influence, being respectful, and abiding by her curfew. He and his wife, Elizabeth, who live in suburban Lincoln Park, about 25 miles outside of New York City, have kept their daughter’s car because they paid for it, says Canning, and he admits that they did stop paying Rachel's tuition at the private Morris Catholic High School. A hearing is scheduled to take place on Tuesday in the Morris County Superior Court.

For months, Rachel — an honor student, cheerleader, and lacrosse player — has been living with the family of her best friend and classmate, Jaime Inglesino, whose father, attorney John Inglesino, is bankrolling Rachel’s lawsuit. He’s also requesting in the lawsuit that the Cannings reimburse him for the legal fees, so far totaling $12,597, according to the paper.

Rachel’s attorney, Tanya Helfand, is not taking calls as she prepares for Tuesday's hearing, her office tells Yahoo Shine. Rachel did not return a call from Yahoo Shine, and the Morris County court was closed on Monday due to inclement weather. But the Daily Record reports that, in the suit, Rachel alleges that her parents decided to cut her off “from all support both financially and emotionally” as of her 18th birthday, which was November 1. Her suit also demands the following of the Cannings: that they take care of an outstanding $5,306 Morris Catholic tuition bill; pay their daughter’s current living and transportation expenses; and free up her existing college fund, as she’s already been accepted to several universities.

It’s not unheard of for youngsters to take legal action against their parents for various offenses — from a pregnant Texas teen who sued her parents for allegedly pressuring her to get an abortion, to a pair of Illinois siblings in their 20s who sued their mom (unsuccessfully) for bad mothering. Even so, the Canning case is an extremely unusual one, according to experts in family law. That’s because similar suits typically involve either a divorce situation, with parents disagreeing on a child’s financial support, or a fight for emancipation, in which a teen is declared financially independent from parents.

“This young woman is actually saying, ‘I want the court to compel my parents to continue to support me financially. That’s what’s unique in this case,” Mary Coogan, assistant director of the nonprofit Advocates for Children of New Jersey, tells Yahoo Shine. “So this young lady is in a unique situation because it does become very fact-sensitive. There’s really no law directly on point.” What families in similar situations have done, in Coogan’s experience, is to file for what’s called a “family crisis petition,” in which the court will try to mediate an agreeable outcome between the parents and their child.

Talking the situation through would be a better route than a lawsuit, Kenneth Neumann, a New York divorce mediator and psychologist with the Center for Mediation & Training, tells Yahoo Shine. “We often use the legal system as a way to deal with disagreements when we should be using therapy or mediation,” he says, noting that Rachel’s case is “extremely rare,” and that he’s “not had a case like this in 30 years,” with the most unique angle being that the parents are not in disagreement. Unfortunately for Rachel, Neumann says, “I don’t think she has much of a case. This sounds like just another 18-year-old who got into a thing with her parents.”

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 11:45 am 
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Hopefully the judge laughs her out of court

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 12:06 pm 
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When I was in college, my folks pressured me to quit one of 3 jobs to focus on coursework. They promised additional funds every month to compensate. I agreed and quit, but the payments were not regular, forcing me into debt. I can therefore see how a sudden reduction in income/support can be fairly devastating.

Now, it's worth noting that I did not sue my parents, nor did I complain, but I did feel wronged. They had the best of intentions, but I would have been better off without their additional "help".

In this situation, however, the money was there, but there were obvious strings attached. Her failing to comply with the strings and still demanding money is about as just as if I had kept my job and collected the money.

The situation is absurd, and I feel sorry for those parents. They are obviously trying to help, but not be taken advantage of, and are losing their child as a result.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 1:11 pm 
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The child was already lost, they are simply realizing it now.

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 Post subject: Re: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 4:09 pm 
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I'm not entirely sure they are merely not trying ti be taken advantage of. I had to make it very clear to my mother that she was not going to be making rules or curfews for me once I was in college and if she wanted to play the "my money, my roof, my rules" game, I would be more than happy to go enlist and come back to college later on my own dime. My mom was more attached to the idea of me not "wasting my potential" than she was to her rules, which couldnt be really identified as coherent rules in the first place so much as a "follow whatever rule I makeup on the spot and dont do anything I decide later you shouldnt have."

Curfews, and the "boyfriend being a bad influence" strike me as red lags of parents not realizing that they are at the point where they must negotiate for the rules they wish to enforce, and are worrying more about potential bad behavior than actual. It does not sound like she has any history of bad grades or discipline problems. Her lawsuit is spoiled and entitled and ridiculous, but it sounds like her parents also need a wakeup call that they need to have more respect and trust in an adult child.

Edit: Also, there's the issue of the best friend and the lawyer dad. He's asking for $12,000 in legal fees and might be egging this on for financial gain and notoriety. That said, the extremely vague and weak nature of her parent's complaints about her behavior also make me wonder if this isn't just her; maybe her friends' parents see it too and are just sympathetic.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:35 pm 
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No. When you're 18 and break ties with your parents, it's reasonable and just that you are then on your own. If someone else wants to foot the bill for you, that's their decision.

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 Post subject: Re: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:35 pm 
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Obviously she just needs to pop out a kid or two so the government will take care of her

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 9:25 am 
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shuyung wrote:
No. When you're 18 and break ties with your parents, it's reasonable and just that you are then on your own. If someone else wants to foot the bill for you, that's their decision.


That's true. The lawsuit is absurd and should be tossed right out. (It is, however, unsurprising that something like this eventually happened, given how abusive child support arrangements between parents are, especially those concerning adult children that happen to be in college.)

That said, it is not as simple as "obey our rules or get out" as a parent, unless you're good with both of those outcomes. If you want them to choose "obey our rules" and they are willing to exercise the "get out" option, you have to be willing to compromise - quite a bit, in fact. It's like any other ultimatum; if the other side calls you on it, you either back down and compromise (and negotiate from a position of weakness) or you stick to your guns and accept the result of your ultimatum.

This case was on the news this morning, and said something about drinking being involved. Ok, whatever. I don't consider underage drinking a big deal. It's illegal, and kids shouldn't do it just on the basis of not getting in trouble that will affect them down the road (and I don't think drinking on the principle of crusading against the unreasonable drinking age by civil disobedience to be a worthwhile life goal) but that sort of thing is pretty normal. So are boyfriends that "might be a bad influence" If you're going to enforce rules around the house, though, one of those things is reasonable to enforce, and one is not. There's your compromise right there. (Hint: the right answer is "enforce the rule about no drinking, let the boyfriend go". Trying to tell a kid to end a relationship almost never works.)

This entire case: the kids, the parents, the lawyer best friend's dad - all sound like they're pretty spoiled and need a reality check.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 9:29 am 
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The drinking age laws are rather stupid in North America, anyway. (Most of Canada is only 2 years less stupid than the USA. Quebec is 3 years. Both countries age of majority laws are incredibly moronic.)

That doesn't change anything here; it's reasonable to expect your children to obey the law, even if the law is stupid.

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 Post subject: Re: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 9:42 am 
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I read that the judged tossed most of the kids case. The lawyer's fees were denied.

Adults know that there are strings attached when someone provides what hasn't been earned. Do what's expected or lose what's been provided, it's that simple. The kid just needs to grow up. With very few differences, this is exactly what my wife went through with her daughter. It's all good now, the kid grew up and is a pleasant young woman these days.

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 Post subject: Re: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:01 pm 
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Taskiss wrote:
I read that the judged tossed most of the kids case. The lawyer's fees were denied.

Adults know that there are strings attached when someone provides what hasn't been earned. Do what's expected or lose what's been provided, it's that simple. The kid just needs to grow up. With very few differences, this is exactly what my wife went through with her daughter. It's all good now, the kid grew up and is a pleasant young woman these days.


This. But what DE said also.

If parents want relationships with their grown children, they have to let them be grown. You can toss them out and say "you're grown, we're not supporting you anymore, let's be friends" but good luck with that. For most of us, there's a pseudo-adult transition period. Children need to respect their parents, parents need to treat their children as non-independent adults, not as children.


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 Post subject: Re: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:12 pm 
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Arathain Kelvar wrote:
You can toss them out and say "you're grown, we're not supporting you anymore, let's be friends" but good luck with that.


That's how things went for me, and I turned out great! :derp:

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:14 pm 
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Some of us left home the moment we got out of high school and never asked for a **** thing from our parents.

It took over 12 years before I was getting along with them again. It's amazing how friendly they get when you've got their first grandchild.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:16 pm 
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GOOD LUCK KID!

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:18 pm 
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Judge says ...NOPE! at least for the high school tuition, "allowance" and court costs.. College Tuition is still pending

http://abcnews.go.com/US/rachel-canning ... d=22768908

emphasis mine....
abcnews.com wrote:
Rachel Canning Loses Effort to Make Parents Pay High School Tuition

A New Jersey family court judge ruled today that Rachel Canning's parents do not have to pay her high school tuition after she sued them to cover her schooling and living costs.

The judge delayed a ruling on whether the parents must pay the 18-year-old student's college tuition while asking lawyers to consider whether it's wise to "establish precedent where parents live in fear of establishing rules of the house?"

The judge also denied her request for weekly allowance and additional financial support including attorney fees.

The next hearing is scheduled for April 22.


More at the link above...


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 3:46 pm 
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Hopwin wrote:
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GOOD LUCK KID!

Look closer.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 4:53 pm 
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Sanity seems to be prevailing. Hopefully it will be continued.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 6:53 pm 
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shuyung wrote:
Hopwin wrote:
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GOOD LUCK KID!

Look closer.


I don't get it.

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 Post subject: Re: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 6:58 pm 
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 7:00 pm 
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Arms seemed to be crossed over chest.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 7:52 pm 
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Elmarnieh wrote:
Arms seemed to be crossed over chest.


Yeah, that's what I thought too.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 9:26 pm 
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It's only 5' of water.

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 Post subject: Re: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 10:18 pm 
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I'm also wondering exactly what happened here. It sounds to me like they stopped paying the high school and didn't bother to tell her, and then just dropped a huge past due bill in her lap.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 10:20 pm 
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Meh, I saw that too. She's not diving though, and probably has good forward momentum. If it was 2'? Yeah, that may be an issue. Cannonball into the shallow end is not that big a deal. Worst case, she scratches her feet on the bottom.

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 Post subject: Re: F*** this generation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 10:37 pm 
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Xequecal wrote:
I'm also wondering exactly what happened here.

Girl turns 18, goes all "You're not the boss of me!", moves out. Plays out this way all the time.

Not really national news till the meddling lawyer bankrolled the immature brats court case.

18 is such a magic age. All needs taken care of one day, the next day the bill gets placed next to the dinner plate, if the parents are smart. Time to negotiate. "I got something you need, and I want something in return, young adult"

Someone has to pay the bills.

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