The Glade 4.0

Yea ... I know man. Then someone gives you the first try of hydroponically grown kinebud ... and your blazed **** up out of your head.

Then, one day, you catch a ride to class with 3 of your buddies. And one of them lights up a pinch hitter. And you know you have to give a group presentation in Speech Class (yes, they make engineers take it), and in that presentation, your topic of choice is the restaraunt Lambert's Cafe, and you know your role in the presentation is to be the one to throw rolls.

So here you are, walking to class and it feels like you are traveling backwards through time because you are so baked, and you have to throw rolls at the class. Imagine being so paranoid of being so high, that everyone will know right away, and you are incredibly leery of overcompensating so they don't know, you are now afraid of beaning the teacher in the head with baked goods. And the whole time, you just know that dude in the back in the football team is laughing at you because your eyes are so bloodshot.

Please travel this road ... with care. but have fun. It's fun while it lasts.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

You really need to read Hunter S. Thompson, Nev. Something to live up to, so to speak (except for the shotgun-in-the-mouth thing at the end of his real life).

There's so many books I want to read but I don't have the time for. I wish there was more time for that sort of thing.

open on interior, Out of Africa primitive art store ]

Shopkeeper: Hey, may I help you?

Customer #1: Yeah. This is kind of neat, what is it?

Shopkeeper: Oh, that's from New Guinea. It's a ceremonial spirit box.

Customer #1: Wow, that's cool. What do you do with it?

Shopkeeper: You put your weed in there!

Customer #1: Oh. Thank you.

Customer #2: This is neat, is this from South America?

Shopkeeper: You bet. That's a Yanamano ancestral rattle from Brazil. It's carved from deer bone, they only make one every seven years, it's really rare.

Customer #2: What do they use it for?

Shopkeeper: You put your weed in here!

Customer #2: O-kay..

Shopkeeper: No problem.

Customer #3: Where's this from?

Shopkeeper: Oh, it's from Borneo. It's for a Zuluesque puberty ritual. It symbolizes the journey into adulthood.

Customer #3: Really?

Shopkeeper: Yeah. And you can put your weed in here!

Customer #3: So, this has actually been used in puberty rituals?

Shopkeeper: Yeah. And you put your weed in there!

Customer #3: Thanks.

Shopkeeper: No problem.

Customer #1: [ holding artifact ] Hey, uh, excuse me..

Shopkeeper: Oh, this is great! You put your weed in here! Awesome.

Customer #1: Actually, I'm looking for a gift for my mother. Is there anything in here that doesn't involve weed?

Shopkeeper: [ thinks ] Well.. you can give her this. [ pulls out drum ] It's a Senegalese talking drum. Only the Head Shayman of Senegal is allowed to use it.

Customer #1: Wow.. that'd be great, she might like something like that.

Shopkeeper: You know what I'd do if I bought it? I'd put my weed in there! Right in there. [ puts it down ] Oh, wait.. I've got something else.

Customer #1: Ah.

Shopkeeper: This is a Javanese rain stick. Yeah, it's for a fertility dance. You can put it in your apartment and hang a plant from it.

Customer #1: That'd be cool, she has a lot of plants. That might be good.

Shopkeeper: You sure she doesn't like weed?

Customer #1: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Shopkeeper: It's too bad, because it goes right in here. This part unscrews, it's really great!

[ Cop enters the shop ]

Cop: Hey. Is that your Volkswagon van parked out front?

Shopkeeper: Look, man, there's nothing in here that you could put weed into!

Cop: I just wanted to tell you that you left your lights on. I turned them off for you.

Shopkeeper: Okay, maybe there's some things in here that you put tobacco into, or incense or spices into, but definitely not weed!

Cop: What the hell are you talking about?

Shopkeeper: Okay. I guess, if this opened up, you could put weed in it, but I can't get it open. [ Cop opens it ] It's not like there's weed in there!

Cop: [ holds up the weed ] What is this?

Shopkeeper: Weed.

Cop: You're under arrest!

Shopkeeper: Alright, but don't bother checking the store! Because there's no weed in that, and there's no weed in that, and there's no weed in that!

Cop: Well, you can talk about it down at the station.

Shopkeeper: Don't bother checking the back of the store - no wee-ee-eed!

[ Cop pulls Shopkeeper outside ]

[ fade ]

There was more time for that sort of thing; then you got high.

The book is immeasurably better; we referred to it as "the bible" for close to a decade.

There was more time for that sort of thing; then you got high.

Why waste your money on weed when booze is available?

19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

I gave it up more than a year ago. I don't miss it.

Hard to miss something you never experienced.

I gave it up more than a year ago. I don't miss it.