The Glade 4.0

Everyone's Bored Today - Survive an entire shift with absolutely no customers. At all.
...Except Me - Use the above as an excuse to play video games for at least 4 hours, on the clock.
The Waffles Are A Lie - Survive the night audit without needing to put out breakfast, because you're the only person in the building.
This Is A Hotel, Not Pizza Hut - Have your lunch sitting on the back counter, in plain view, cause a sudden upswing in the amount of food you sell.
Honest Abe - Put money in the till from your own pocket to make the books balance.

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Grenade 3 Sports Drink. It's fire in the hole.. Your hole!

Go away, 'batin! - Masturbate at work

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

Diplomacy: Thank your supervisor for helping you to complete a project that you were too busy to get to in a timely manner, all while keeping a straight face, because you know you will now have to spend twice as much time fixing their mistakes.

If A Tree Falls In The Forest...: Don't tell anyone how screwed up your project was thanks to the "help".

Purple Heart: Go to the ER for an injury suffered while on the job.

Mama Says Stupid Is As Stupid Does: Get injured on the job while doing something monumentally stupid.

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

*hangs his head in shame and sighs*

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Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

WTF, don't be ashamed, that's a helluva achievement. I wish I was Peter Gibbins enough about my job or skilled enough to pull it off, but sadly, I have not reached that level of apathy or stealth.

This entire thread says quite a lot about the nature of work.

Office Rave - On backshift, play music loudly because you got stuck during New Year's, Christmas or any other major holiday. Does not have to be any specific type of music, but Lady Gaga doesn't count because I find her annoying as all hell and neither does the song, "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan.

Buzz Killington - When someone else is attempting Office Rave, discreetly switch the music to Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You".

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

Karaoke Revolution - Be caught singing to music in your office

Karaoke John- Be caught singing in the bathroom when you took your iPhone in with you and got bored

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Pass the Buck- Telling a single student to ask everyone else but me. Did you ask the principal, the Nurse, the guidance counselor?

The Substitute Teacher- Giving busy work for entire day when you should be teaching

At the Box Office- Playing a movie for the entire day when you should be teaching

And the truth shall set you free- Catching more than 100 students in bullshit lies

And the truth shall set you free again- Catching more than 100 parents in bullshit lies.

Can I get a second opinion?- Diagnosing more than 20 parents with CED- Chronic Excuse disorder

Bang head Here Achievement- Banging head on the board for more than 20 times after listening to questions that make no sense. Example-No
Lie- If dec 24th is Christmas Eve is Dec 23rd Adam's Day? Huh what? Adam's day you know Christmas Eve is
Eve's day so the 23rd must be Adam's Day. This from a 7th grader.

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"None is more important, none more legitimate, than that of rendering the people safe as they are the
ultimate guardians of their own liberty."- Thomas Jefferson

"Yeah, I'm rehearsing my poker face. I don't handle stupid well. *sigh*" - Farsky

Ah, but did you Autotune yourself?

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Go back to zero, take a pill, and get well ~ Lemmy Kilmister

Charitable Contribution: Clean the break room mircowave out every day for a week.

Test of Faith: Clean the break room mircowave out every day for a week, without commenting on the nature of your co-workers.

Containment Breach: Clean the break-room refrigerator

Something Wicked This Way Comes: Take photos of the five worst items during the clean-out (bonus achievement Mad Scientist Fingered By Co-Worker for being able to identify the owner of any said items from the photo)

Name That Species: Correctly identify all five original items from said photo experiment.

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Gorse

Oo I could sound like Kanye then...gonna look for the app right now!

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Or T-pain.
NSFW Language
[youtube]R7yfISlGLNU[/youtube]

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Holy shitsnacks!

Or Weird Al:
[youtube]fYzv-AVi78E[/youtube]

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Go back to zero, take a pill, and get well ~ Lemmy Kilmister

Oh. My. Fscking. God.

That was brilliance.

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Holy shitsnacks!

Thanks for that, Shel I guess my hair does look more like Weird Al's than Kanye lol

looking for the t-pain app right now tho..

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

T-Pain sounds a lot like Akon...

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False Start - Catch someone throwing out something you put in the break room refrigerator that morning for today's lunch, then chewing his *** for it

Here's a bunch from deployment:

Freshman 15 - eat 7 or more Reese's Cups from all the candy laying around the TOC at Christmas time in one day, without realizing it until later
Calorie Count - eat at least 15 Jolly Ranchers in one day from the same source, without realizing it until later
Danger Area - acquire a reputation for not being approachable in the morning until after at least 1 cup of coffee
Keep it Coming - During any one workday of at least 8 hours, do not go more than 10 minutes without coffee in your coffee cup
Wearing a Path - go to the porta-john at least 8 times in 8 hours or 12 times in 12 hours
Blazing a Trail - go to the porta-john at least 8 times in 8 hours or 12 times in 12 hours daily for a full week
Here if you need me - sit at your desk at least 1 hour past the end of your shift playing games on your personal laptop, in case you're needed for something
Making Bureaucracy Work for You - remain in your room on your personal computer during work time in order to work on awards or performance evaluations
Surprise! - send an embarassing e-mail from someone's computer calling attention to the fact that they failed to log off before going to the chow hall
You Owe Me - find someone's weapon unattended and return it to them without them getting in trouble
You Owe Me, Big Time - find your supervisor or commander's weapon unattended and return it to them
Crisis Management - Deal with an irate person who outranks you, other than your boss, who is in your workspace
Department of Redundancy Department - devise a new procedure in response to a complaint by someone who would not have made the complaint had the followed the original procedure
Time Management - Leave the office during work hours to do physical fitness activity
Use the Force - have a lightsaber duel using laser pointers
Firm Grasp on the Obvious - when assigned a task by your supervisor or commander, excuse yourself from doing it by pointing out that the task does not apply to your unit
Meeting of the Minds - Avoid going back to work by bringing up a topic in a meeting that results in at least half an hour of unintended discussion
Si, Yo Hablo - conduct your portion of a briefing in a language other than English, and not for the benefit of any native speaker of the language
You're Not Fooling Anyone - Point out to the intelligence officer that some piece of information you're "not supposed to discuss" is available on Yahoo.
I Told You So - advise your commander or supervisor that a course of action is going to have reprecussions.. then be there when the MPs or civilian police arrive
Chain Gang - consume chow served to you by a work-release inmate

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

I think someone else mentioned this one already.

/partypooper on
Just a word of caution. I would strongly encourage people to take the high road on this if you work for a company with strict security policies, or possibly government positions where email is subject to FoIA. Our annual security training specifically covers this. It is considered fraud to access a computer system using someone else's credentials (even if they left it unattended). Lock it and give them crap about it later. :p
/partypooper off

BTW, When is someone going to consolidate these ?

We celebrated Christmas Adam in my household. On Christmas Eve you got to open one present of your choice; on Christmas Adam the rest of the family voted on which to give you.

Omg is there a lifetime achievement award for this category? I swear to God people have lost all reading comprehension.

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I should have mentioned that this was on the SIPRNET computer, hence the different achievement. This would be "corrective training" since it's all done within the unit. Any corrective value would be lost sending it to someone else.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Trueshot - Pull a Robin Hood, splitting one of your workplace's only four darts, by hitting it with another dart.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care - Charm a supervisor above your immediate boss's with your straightforward candor when the meeting was called to admonish you.

What would you say that you do here? - For an entire day, perform completely redundant and unneeded function.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

Saw a new one today that seems to fit this week's topic dujour:
The Weekend Starts Now: Spend the last twenty minutes of your shift on on a Friday in the can.

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