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Gorse
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 9:36 am 
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That is wonderful Ladykate. I have no vocal talent.

I did find this song, when we lost Gabriel, for whatever reason it struck a chord with me and despite three years this past November always makes me think about him and he might have been.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLDE3jxrF6c

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LadyKate
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 9:50 am 
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Thanks you guys for listening and for the advice and kind words and links. And thanks and hugs Tamaar, Kirra, and Gorse...I do indeed hope our kids are playing in heaven together.
I feel like I should say more, but I'm not crying atm and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible...
*hugs* I couldn't have imagined a more supportive group of friends; thank you.

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Elessar
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:11 am 
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Sorry to hear about this. Wish I could help in some way :(
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Aegnor
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:20 am 
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LadyKate wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtnkSAKUcSk


Sheesh... :cry:

Very beautiful voice and song.
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Teekeela
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 11:06 am 
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/join group hug

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LadyKate
 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 12:19 pm 
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Aegnor wrote:
LadyKate wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtnkSAKUcSk


Sheesh... :cry:

Very beautiful voice and song.


Thank you. It felt right. Here are the lyrics:
Spoiler:
I can't convey your beauty
I can't describe your light
All I can do is try
try to sing
about your life.
And I never
I never
got to see
your eyes
I counted all your fingers
and you know
I counted all of your toes.
I kissed
your sweet little forehead
and I kissed
your sweet baby nose.
But I
I never
I never got
to see
your eyes
Oh sweet baby
I kissed you
Oh sweet baby
I missed you
Oh why
oh why
why oh why
didn't I get
to see
your eyes
The first thing I'll do
when I get to heaven
the first thing
that I'm gonna do
Yeah when I get to heaven
the very first thing
that I am
gonna do
Gonna look
in your eyes
and I'm gonna say
Baby,
Mommy missed you.

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Lalaas
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 10:40 am 
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LadyKate wrote:
Thanks you guys for listening and for the advice and kind words and links. And thanks and hugs Tamaar, Kirra, and Gorse...I do indeed hope our kids are playing in heaven together.
I feel like I should say more, but I'm not crying atm and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible...
*hugs* I couldn't have imagined a more supportive group of friends; thank you.


Something that helped us get through this - we lost a baby at around 16wks, IIRC - was the idea that he/she didn't actually need to experience living like the rest of us are, and moved on to the next thing (heaven / whatever's next) ahead of us. It still wasn't easy, but it helped.
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LadyKate
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 1:25 pm 
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Thank you Lalaas, that has helped actually as of late. I have befriended a lady whose 4 year old son died of medulloblastoma....she is my hero and my inspiration. Finding her and hearing her story helped me to realize what a blessing it was that my son passed away quietly and peacefully in my womb...he never had to experience any of the pain and suffering of the outside world.
I'm not trying to compare pain, or be weird, but I can't explain how oddly comforting it has been to see how much worse it could have been for Jimmy and how relieved I am that he went to heaven the way he did.
Of course, now my heart hurts for my friend and grieves for her loss (such a sweet boy!) but that is a whole 'nother story.

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Kirra
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 1:59 pm 
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Kate, the video was beautiful thank you.

I am so sorry for your friend, It would be horrible to have to see your child go through something that you could not make better, I bow down to the strenght of someone experiencing that. Your friend is added to my prayer list her loss was great :(

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Rafael
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 7:47 pm 
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Hey LK, I've been watching your Youtubes :D I enjoy them, I think you should consider that maybe with them you've reached out to change someone's life for the better with them, someone in a situation such as yours.

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LadyKate
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 7:52 pm 
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Rafael wrote:
Hey LK, I've been watching your Youtubes :D I enjoy them, I think you should consider that maybe with them you've reached out to change someone's life for the better with them, someone in a situation such as yours.


Thank you. :) That's what I'm hoping! My friend Mimi has lifted my heart so much with her experiences that I am wondering if maybe someone out there is looking at me like I am looking at her and I'm helping them too maybe.
That makes my heart ache in a good way to think about it....it kind of immortalizes Jimmy and validates my pain. A couple of ladies watched the birthday song on their baby's due-date/bday and it helped them and I am so glad for that!

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LadyKate
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 9:55 pm 
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I'm sad right now. I miss Jimmy.
Image

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Kirra
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:01 pm 
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Oh Katey,

/Gives you big fierce Kirra hugs!

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Do ever want to just grab someone and say...WTF is wrong with you?


Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

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Talya
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 10:30 am 
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I've been where you are, LadyKate, but you were much further along in your pregnancy than I was, I have to think it only gets worse, so I can only begin to imagine what you're feeling. I feel for you.

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LadyKate
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 10:47 pm 
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Thank you all for being so understanding.

Here are the rest of the pics of us and Jimmy, if you care to see them:
Spoiler:
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image

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Kirra
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 10:59 pm 
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Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment with us Kate. Baby James has a pair of wings..

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
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darksiege
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 11:18 pm 
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Kate,

reading through this thread.. it is your self preceived weakness that makes you strong. It is easy to bottle up sadness and depression at a time like this. The fact that you are able to share these pictures and songs with people who are really still anonymous people on the internet is definitely strength.

Probably a lot more strength than you will realize you are capable of.

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Micheal
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 11:26 pm 
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Thank you DS, I was thinking of how to write that message. You did just fine.

LadyKate and Nitefox are no longer just internet friends and basically strangers to me, but people I've met and enjoyed their company. Its hard for me to watch you go through this Katie, you're such a sweet loving person. Nitefox struck me as a good man and a good mate for you.

Know that the two of you are in my thoughts each day, and that you and Jimmy still gets the occasional prayer sent upstairs.

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LadyKate
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:17 pm 
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[youtube]ZAhjSaGbKkA[/youtube]






Quote:
One positive pregnancy test, a journey of a thousand miles.
2,452 kicks, 3700 smiles.
8 months or 36 weeks or 252 days.
2016 hours its not enough I wish you had stayed.
And its never enough, its never enough, not nearly enough.
1 ultrasound, zero heartbeats, 2 tandem screams in fear.
16 hours that felt like 16 years....and then you were here.
4 kisses on your 2 cheeks, 1 for your forehead and 1 on your nose.
14 photos, 10 fingers and 10 little toes.
And its never enough, never enough, not nearly enough.
1 tiny coffin, 1 tiny grave, 1 very dark winter day.
4 broken hearts, 10,000 tears....not one thing is still okay.
And I've had enough, I've had enough, I've had enough.
I've had enough, I've had enough, oh God, I've had enough.
3 months or 92 days, eternity since you went away.
Too few precious memories, 3 pictures of you and me.
And its never enough, its never enough, it will never be enough.
Its never enough, its never enough, it will never be enough.


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Numbuk
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:34 pm 
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That was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.

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LadyKate
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 11:24 am 
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Thank you, Numbuk.
I kinda hit the bottom there and that song was it.
I quit my job (last day is Friday) and I'll be at home for a few months, hopefully.
Time for some healing and some housework. :)

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Numbuk
 Post subject: Re: I am NOT strong!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 3:25 am 
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Well I hope it helps. We will always be here for you.

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LadyKate
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 12:31 am 
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Woohoo! Preface: 1) I don't believe in coincidences, 2) Jimmy's lullabye was a song by James Taylor, 3) James Taylor sang at the Oscars to do a tribute to all the greats that we have lost in the past year.
I know my boy wasn't famous or anything like that, but I pretended James Taylor was singing for his loss too.
I shed a tear or two during his performance and the montage....definitely an awesome feeling.

:)

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Vindicarre
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 7:35 am 
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;)

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