The Glade 4.0

Why is it that women can be in and out of the bathroom in 5 minutes, but guys can take up to half an hour or more? And why do you guys take stuff to read in there with you? I've always wondered, but I ask now because I was on my way back into the office from the bathroom (gone for 5 minutes) and one of my male coworkers was headed to the bathroom with a newspaper and I'm willing to bet it will be at least 15 minutes before he gets back.

Is toilet time like down time for you guys or are you actually pooping for that long??

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Oh, Screeeeeee-liiiiiing....

A subset of men seem to consider the bathroom a break room. Usually these are the guys who break wind a lot more often than other humans. Alternatively, these are the guys who seriously abuse their time, occasionally themselves.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

No the actual pooping usually doesn't take that long. It's a relaxtion ritual.

1) Kashi Go Lean Crunch
2) Do not question the Time of Contemplation Upon the Golden Throne
3) I've never seen a woman take less than 5 minutes going to the bathroom, and I've never seen a woman go alone. Squads of 3 or more seem mandatory, and they even invite other girls they just met to go with them in order to reach this requisite number.
4) In YO FACE!

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

See, that baffles me. Why on earth would you want to relax on the toilet?? Being surrounded by a fog of your own poo-stench does not sound relaxing to me! I could think of a hundred better ways/places to relax or read than the toilet.
Yet guys continue to do this day after day after day.... baffling.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Hahahahahaa!!

Ok, ROFL@#1.
2: Oh but I am questioning it, and I demand answers!!!!!
3: Socializing in the bathroom is normal for us, but only with peeing. There may be exceptions to the rule, but for most ladies, no one has definitive proof that we have ever pooped except maybe our parents.
4: I got nuthin.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Rafael, we don't take more than 5 min actually in the stall..it's the long long line to get to the pot that makes us take longer, and who wants to go stand in the line alone, thus the reason for taking a friend! But no one takes a frient at work this is just a girl rule for social settings


Edit: kashi is EVIL!

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Oonagh is the exception to this rule.

Woman could write a novel in the time she spends in there...

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

Alright ladies, well it's not like men ask questions about chicks when that time of the month comes around, so let's just leave this topic as a non-negotiable, non-discussable one under those terms. Well, we do ask one question, "Can I go, now?" Some questions have no answers, and if you want more info, just check rule #2.

Oh and if you are going ask a question, I get to ask one as well. Why is it when Grey's Anatomy is on, I get sent to Walgreens to buy Midol and feminine hygeine supplies? Not that I want to watch that show, but I could be playing L4D, eating or sleeping all which are better use of my time than standing in a completely foreign aisle wondering, "Alright, which ones were the ones she said to get? Oh ****, should I call? No, I'll get yelled because the show is still on. Can't bring the wrong ones back. I could text her but it would take till the commercial to get a response. In the meantime, I'm not going to sit in this aisle and look like a creep. Wait ... what did I have for lunch? Man I'm hungry ..."

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

why would we go to the store if our favorite show is on? We realize how long it takes to find our "stuff" .. Wings or no..night or day.. We just do this so we can watch our show in peace :p

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

That stops working when the guy smartens up and just goes and gets a variety pack of each, wings.. then he responds with hey I am going to take a dump. and grabs War and Peace.

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

How long do I spend on the pot?

As long as it takes.

I always find it funny that Screeling is universally known as the Glade Master of taking a dump.

What an *******, that guy.

13.27 seconds - just like my protocol requires.

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

At home I am pretty much in and out.

At work it takes a little longer because
-no one is bugging you to do stuff while you are in there
- your getting paid for it!

I had a female friend that I think explained it best. She was part of a summer program as an oceanography student and she spent two months with a dozen other "kids" on a fish trawler turned research vessel (to follow whales in the Gulf of Mexico or something). She had an epiphony a couple weeks before they finished, when she found that the only place she could find solitude was in the head (bathroom, restroom, whatever you chose to call it).

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Gorse

Really try not to use the pot at work, I've heard some of the **** that comes out of these people's mouths I can't imagine how much worse the stink is when it comes out the other end.

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I don't mind because where I work is very anal about cleanliness. They pretty much have someone constantly cleaning the bathroom 24/7. I have never once seen any kind of mess in there

Everyone likes their own brand, don't they!

Seriously, no it doesn't always take men half an hour to take a ****. But it can. When it does, it's an event that you want some reading material for. Straining is a good way to give yourself an aneurysm. Or maybe a hernia. It's something that's not healthy, I know that! Sometimes it's just volume. I have taken some genuine thirty minute shits before. It does happen. Finally, even when it's not the great Poo Odyssey, you're just not quite ready to pull your pants up. You want to make damned sure there won't be skid marks.

Being on the can is also a great escape. There's nobody around, and there's guaranteed to be nobody around because your **** stinks. It's privacy, and that's soothing. Despite this, men can actually find it acceptable to talk to one another while on the can. Unlike women, men do not attempt to pretend that stinky stuff never comes out of their butts. What we will not do is converse while peeing. When your dick is in your hand, you do not talk to other men. This is an unspoken rule that even gay men appear to follow. Peeing is marking your territory. This is why men will unconsciously spread out as much as possible at the urinals.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

Coro, you rock! That was awesome. Thanks for the explanation!

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Yeah, that was a pretty good post, Coro. Except for the part about men talking to each other while peeing. I see guys do this all the time ... wigs me out, too. Maybe you mean that we never talk to strangers while peeing?



Careful, girl, you're getting into sig-quotable territory here!

You do realize, however, that dogs always smell their own poo, right? Think of it this way: Men=dogs.

And, yes, I have had epic, 30-minute poops, mainly when I was younger. Even now, I sometimes wonder if my nickname should be "Bowl-buster."

Way too much TMI in this thread, thanks.

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This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

And here I thought you guys just did that because you don't want to accidentally look at "another dudes junk" and catch "the gay"

Men tend to prefer a protein based diet and don't get enough fiber for easy 'movements'. Shel was shocked to hear (amusingly enough the conversation happened last night) that I don't leave 'skid marks' on toilet paper.

Fiber FTW.