The Glade 4.0

Keep an eye on the ones who don't. They're perverts.

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“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” - Thomas Paine

ROFL!!

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Wow. I'd stopped reading by Coro's post, so I just responded to it.... didn't mean that as a slight on anybody.

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“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” - Thomas Paine

Its ok I'm sure Monte knows that (and for the record nobody thinks you're a perv). Still its kinda funny. lol

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

People occasionally take the "spread out at urinals" thing a bit too far. I remember someone in college going off on me for pissing in the urinal next to him.. despite the fact that there were only 3 urinals in the restroom and he was at the center one. I pointed this out. He was rather vague about why it was a problem but evidently he felt that I should have waited till he was done or used a sit-down stall. I basically told him to **** off.

It's got nothing to do with avoiding "catching the gay" though. The real reason is that urinals spatter. Especially the old ones with the bottom in the floor or that are one long trough. Some others do too, and the guy may not even have bad urinal habits. Some of them do, or have bad aim, and every once in a while there's that "double stream" thing.

The fact that people think not wanting splattered with someone else's piss has to do with homophobia is.. well never mind, let's not turn this into Hellfire.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Whats "that double stream thing"

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Exactly what it sounds like.

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“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” - Thomas Paine

**** gets pinched together sometimes over the courseo f a day and you get basically a double barreled shotgun effect.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

I wish I could do that. It would make peeing in the snow so much more fun.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

really ? I've never noticed that..but then again all the ones I see have a foley in em!

Double stream could be messy like you say though..

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

I mean, I suppose. If you prefer drawing with the super thick crayons for 3 year olds as opposed to writing with a Sharpie. Because that's exactly how well it works.

Oh, and sometimes the shotgun's barrels aren't parallel ... this can be really chaotic. Like the Clinique counter at Bloomingdale's chaotic, right around Valentine's Day or Christmas.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Wait wait wait.... Roophus... You shave your *******?

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

Who doesn't?

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Holy shitsnacks!

Not I. I have no interest in nicking my pucker.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

There's always hot wax >=D

Gives new meaning to the phrase "waxin dat ***"

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Holy shitsnacks!

Don't need to shave mine. Just not that hirsute on the back side.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Okay, listen up everybody. The Deuce Master speaks:

1 1A man's home is his castle. 2The toilet is his throne. True domination takes place upon it.

3A man enjoys the solitude and the quiet while on the toilet. He can sit and think without being bothered. He can get some quality reading done because he's relaxed. 4A man finds a large amount of enjoyment from expelling a large dump and he always looks at it before tossing toilet paper on top of it. He looks because he hopes to be impressed with the sheer volume the toilet will have to choke down. 5I can say that on two occasions over the last year, I've dropped dumps so epic they piled up higher than the water level. 6I don't take pictures of it, but I don't consider myself above doing so when the right one comes along. 7My little brother has shown me pictures of himself next to one he's left laying in there.

2 1We enjoy dumps also because of the pain it sometimes inflicts on others. 2There's a perverse pleasure you get at the exclamations of disgust. 3I don't think anything needs to be said regarding the inherent comedic value of the sounds that go along with this act. Well, I guess women don't get that part. 4I have been called childish for laughing at my own farts and such while in the can. 5There's also the huge sense of relief you get after dropping a monster deuce. It's a sense of relief that didn't require any form of pain or sacrifice to produce. 6Yeah, piss-shiver is great and all, but its fleeting. 7It doesn't compare to the high you get after walking out of the can where you stone-cold rocked the bowl. 8I'm talking about the kind of dukester that you feel gave your cornhole a workout. 9If a man really wants to do it right, he strips down completely nude before heading into the head. 10Everybody knows men would sit around the house naked all day if they could get away with it. 11The crapper is the only place our attire isn't going to be called into question.

3 1Sure we take a long time. For the record, I sometimes spend up to 45 minutes, with an average in the range of 25-30. 2I consider myself an over-achiever. I don't want to have to come back later. The bathroom sighs with relief because it knows it won't have to face me again for at least another 24 hours. 3The continual pushing, unfortunately, has led to hemorrhoids that feel like crapping out glass. But no pain, no gain. 4Its for this reason that I do know what its like to have a baby. 5I take books in there, although magazines are preferable because smaller articles provide a definite cut-off point, so to speak. 6For the morning dump crew, my heart goes out to you. 7There's the definite problem of morning wood to contend with. 8"The 40 Year Old Virgin" illustrated the unique challenge of deucing with a narection and a full bladder.

4 1And there's no arguing with the fact that the acoustics of the bathroom are prime for a portable gaming system. 2Anybody with the original DS can also vouch for the fact that the bathroom seemed to have the best and most consistent lighting to see the screen.

3I think the real question people should be asking themselves is why don't they spend longer on the pot?

How do I have such a thorough perspective on this subject and why am I considered the expert on this matter? For no other fact that its the only thing I'm good at and I'm not ashamed of it.

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The Dude abides.

Wow. I guess this thread should be closed and locked now.

Thank you, Deuce Master.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

Depending on the situation, I vary. Most of the time, I take care of business and get out. Occassionally I bring something in to read, but I still don't spend much more than 15-20 minutes if I'm home. But at work, sometimes the only break I can get is in the can, and my iPhone is my entertainment then.

I had a roommate once who only would read on the can. That wasn't all that noteworthy until I noticed him bringing in like 2 or 3 beers along with his reading material...

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

Definitely. Quite an epic thesis, one that resonate with men, and make them take back their rightful places atop their thrones.

I vote closed, locked, stickied and placed in its own forum.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

Nah, that post just ripened the thread for more discussion. Let's not choke off the possibility of more productive conversation prematurely!

I'm a bit unclear on how taking longer to **** can induce hemmorhoids. One would think that would come from rushing and overexerting.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

I am in and out. I hate going to the bathroom. Don't go in there until you know it is time, make busy and gtfo.

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Raell Kromwell

The continual pushing over a protracted amount of time causes it. I edited my original post to make that a little more clear. I also added in another thought about it.

I also took the liberty of adding chapter and verse numbers should this be adopted into official canon.

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The Dude abides.