The Glade 4.0

Seeing this makes me nostalgic and sad that we lost all the old boards content. I have some from the old ones that i cant do justice without the context or exact wording. I can only remember my own =p

Unlike women, men do not attempt to pretend that stinky stuff never comes out of their butts.

Good lord man, when you bend over does it look like you're giving birth to Ludacris?

Okay, listen up everybody. The Deuce Master speaks:

1 1A man's home is his castle. 2The toilet is his throne. True domination takes place upon it.

3A man enjoys the solitude and the quiet while on the toilet. He can sit and think without being bothered. He can get some quality reading done because he's relaxed. 4A man finds a large amount of enjoyment from expelling a large dump and he always looks at it before tossing toilet paper on top of it. He looks because he hopes to be impressed with the sheer volume the toilet will have to choke down. 5I can say that on two occasions over the last year, I've dropped dumps so epic they piled up higher than the water level. 6I don't take pictures of it, but I don't consider myself above doing so when the right one comes along. 7My little brother has shown me pictures of himself next to one he's left laying in there.

2 1We enjoy dumps also because of the pain it sometimes inflicts on others. 2There's a perverse pleasure you get at the exclamations of disgust. 3I don't think anything needs to be said regarding the inherent comedic value of the sounds that go along with this act. Well, I guess women don't get that part. 4I have been called childish for laughing at my own farts and such while in the can. 5There's also the huge sense of relief you get after dropping a monster deuce. It's a sense of relief that didn't require any form of pain or sacrifice to produce. 6Yeah, piss-shiver is great and all, but its fleeting. 7It doesn't compare to the high you get after walking out of the can where you stone-cold rocked the bowl. 8I'm talking about the kind of dukester that you feel gave your cornhole a workout. 9If a man really wants to do it right, he strips down completely nude before heading into the head. 10Everybody knows men would sit around the house naked all day if they could get away with it. 11The crapper is the only place our attire isn't going to be called into question.

3 1Sure we take a long time. For the record, I sometimes spend up to 45 minutes, with an average in the range of 25-30. 2I consider myself an over-achiever. I don't want to have to come back later. The bathroom sighs with relief because it knows it won't have to face me again for at least another 24 hours. 3The continual pushing, unfortunately, has led to hemorrhoids that feel like crapping out glass. But no pain, no gain. 4Its for this reason that I do know what its like to have a baby. 5I take books in there, although magazines are preferable because smaller articles provide a definite cut-off point, so to speak. 6For the morning dump crew, my heart goes out to you. 7There's the definite problem of morning wood to contend with. 8"The 40 Year Old Virgin" illustrated the unique challenge of deucing with a narection and a full bladder.

4 1And there's no arguing with the fact that the acoustics of the bathroom are prime for a portable gaming system. 2Anybody with the original DS can also vouch for the fact that the bathroom seemed to have the best and most consistent lighting to see the screen.

3I think the real question people should be asking themselves is why don't they spend longer on the pot?

How do I have such a thorough perspective on this subject and why am I considered the expert on this matter? For no other fact that its the only thing I'm good at and I'm not ashamed of it.

Or, in other words, it's a tin-foil hat theory that failed so miserably, the theorists actually used saran instead of Reynolds wrap.

Yeah, and it tastes like 3 day old platypus vomit.

Whoa... you just quoted yourself there. I think that means coolness is rated on a scale of 1 to Farskee.[/

What profiteth it a man to gain the entire whirl if he loseth his sphincter?

In Obamerica, the Nobel Prize ridicules you!

Why would you stick a buffalo wing in your ***?

So, yes, I read it; I though about it; I laughed at the bad logic and agenda driven misrepresentation of facts; and I dismissed it as another thread in which Beryllin chafes at the notion another man might want to **** him in the ***.

While you're at it, here's some **** Windex to clean the tounge marks off the window next to you.

Don't look at us, you're the one trying to brush your teeth with the "buzzing beaver bomber (with rotating action!)"

DE, You could have a map, GPS, flashlight and both hands free and you still couldn't find where to lick.

What? Do you think you're Khross now? You could spend 10,000 years posting and still not be a fraction of the pedant he is.

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first. - George Carlin

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first. - George Carlin

I believe that you sir, have misunderstood the point of the internet. Also, your mother is promiscuous and rumored to be of above average weight. Burn!

Would you really want a law that requires you to attach a label to your peener?

If she were less fat, the bullet would have missed.

Do ever want to just grab someone and say...WTF is wrong with you?