The Glade 4.0

Zot! Jared Leto appears and begins to perform a sensual foot massage upon your feet. Unfortunately, your feet were just severed in a tragic toothbrushing mishap, and the foot massage is just a random morphine-induced hallucination...

I wish I had me a couple of tickets for an all expenses paid trip to Ireland...

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

:p

on the way home from work you call the radio station because you know what song Jared is singing...you win! The prize is an all expense paid ticket to Ireland! When you get to the airport you go through the metal detector and Helga the security guard does a body cavity search and you miss the plane..

I wish I was taking a hot bubble bath right now.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Err, I need clarification on this one...is Helga hot?

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

Depends on what you call hot..


Ps. You just finished working 5 12's...yes she is hot to your sleep deprived eyes

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Oh, so it's like one of those things you remember as being cool, but the reality is horrible and makes you need therapy for years...

You can be very eeeeeeevil, Kirra. Remind me not to get on your bad side...

You relax in a luxurious hot bath, with pleasant, soothing Jared Leto wailing emo fantastic music in the background. As you slide in the tub to submerge yourself up to your chin, you realize the water is bubbly because the tub is full of week-old UTI urine...

I wish I didn't need to work 5 12's in a row so much...

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

You now have to work 6 11's in a row. Then, you only get one day off, and have to do it all over again. Also, your 11's are spaced out by a 2hr mandatory lunch. 6 on, 2 off, 5 on. And you're salaried.

I wish I could fly.

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Holy shitsnacks!

You can fly, but only while you sing the R. Kelly song "I Believe I Can Fly" falsetto while wearing nothing but a Saran Wrap speedo that cuts off the circulation to your dangly bits.

I wish I had longer fingers so I could okay guitar better...

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

Your fingers have grown an extra 2 inches long due to the special blend of steroids you have been taking for six months, but it has also made you grow man boobs...and the YouTube sensation that you caused playing Pachelbels Canon D has dried up and only a few "man boobie" groupies still follow your videos.

I wish I had breakfast in bed.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Your breakfast in bed consists of an IV drip with a pitocin drip, causing a pelvic hematoma. The hospital's lawyer tries to convince you that yes you were in labor even though you weren't pregnant.

I wish my neighbor would mow my lawn when he's done with his, after all he woke me up doing his.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Your neighbors end up mowing your yard, too. Their lawmower springs a gas leak and the subsequent fire burns your house down. The insurance adjuster cheats you out of most of the value of your possessions.

I wish it would stop raining.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

Immediately it stops raining, but unfortunately it's due to lack of moisture. It's found out within a few days that the sun is on a collision course with Earth and all the water on Earth is evaporating due to the elevated temperatures. We're all doomed.

I wish I could find the energy to start the applications for graduate school.

You discover a process to harness the energy of the sun to directly into the human metabolism, unfortunately, the earth is still on a collision course with the sun and we're all still doomed.

I wish I had a time machine much like the one described in H.G. Wells novel.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

*poof*

You're immediately eaten by Morlocks.

I want to be 30 years younger but still know what I know now.

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In time, this too shall pass.

Poof, you are 30 years younger, retaining what you know now, but you are a junior camel herder in Syria.

Oh, wait, we were supposed to corrupt the wish, oh well.

I wish Taskiss loved fish as much as he loves camels. Mermaid jokes would expand the humor base.
.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Ping! Tas's avatar changes to the Little Mermaid, he jokes constantly about her green fin, but people on the Glade just don't get his mermaid humor and he ends up killing every thread he posts in.

I wish the neighbors dog would stop barking.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

The neighbor's dog has stopped barking, to chew through the tires on your car. The dog dies from the steel threads in your tires giving it internal bleeding. Your neighbors sue you and win (the judge should have recused himself, really, it was his daughter suing). You are forced to buy them a new dog, you choose a Basenji.

I wish I could fly.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

You fly right into the sun! Nice job.

I wish I had a granola bar.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

You have a granola bar. It is a magical fruit granola bar.

Congratulations, the resulting flatulence blew Screeling off of his throne and burned a direct line a mile wide through America, from you to him. You have caused the reactivation of the X-Files to investigate this phenomenon.

I wish I knew what I wanted to wish for.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

After much consideration, it finally dawns on you that your life is pretty good, and all that is left to wish is that you had a nice cigar, a glass of your favorite liquor, and a quiet place to sit and reflect on a beautiful sunset.

Through a freak accident, you are mistaken for one of the President's advisers, and rushed to the White House. You decide to have your cigar and drink on the White House's back patio. Unfortunately, you doze off due to the alcohol consumption in your chair with the cigar still lit, causing the whole White House to be engulfed in flames. As everyone is evacuated, a freak wind storm kicks up and carries the flames over to where the President is being rushed to safety, killing him, the first family, and the rest of the White House staff, essentially bringing the Untied States' executive branch it its knees. You, however, escape unharmed by the blaze. Meanwhile, the wife and child of one of the President's top aides watches as their husband/father is consumed by flames. The mother quits her job and becomes an alcoholic, eventually turning to prostitution, and dying painfully of an STD. The child grows up emotionally distant, clinically depressed, eventually luring and murdering prostitutes, before being shot to death by police in a high-speed chase.

(Good going, Micheal )


I wish for infinite wishes.

Poof, you have infinite wishes, but you are forced to stand in one place until you have wished them all, and no subsequent wish will override the first one.

I wish daylight savings time didn't exist.

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Holy shitsnacks!

Mus, you are suddenly in Arizona, where there is no Daylight Savings Time. Any attempts to leave the state fail transporting you back to Phoenix. You spend the rest of your life sailing a desert schooner across the State with an albatros hanging from your neck.


I wish, therefore I am.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

(((NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!)))

Poof. You're Descartes.

I wish I didn't have a headache.

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Holy shitsnacks!

Your headache is gone. So is your head.

I wish I could smoke weed.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

Amazing how well you survive Mus, you've been killed off in this thread a few times now.

Rafe, you look in your left hand and fine a superbly rolled joint. Unable to resist, you spark it up and inhale deeply. The smoke immediately flows through your lungs, filtered into your blood are those wonderful chemicals that soothe your pain, mellow your emotions and make you sleepy. You fall out of the window you're sitting in and impale yourself on the wrought iron gate below you.

Whatever, man. At least you died before you started choking on the smoke.

I wish everyone in the middle-east would have an epiphany that brought peace to the region.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Everyone in the Middle East realized that they needed to all unite and build a temple, spawning the prophesies of the book of Revelation to begin coming true and the end of the world.

I wish I had a bigger house.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth