The Glade 4.0

Poof! You now live in a bigger house! It's so big that everyone calls it the Big House. Lots of people live in it with you though, and they all wear stripes and say "I didn't do it, man!". But at least there's lots of rocks to break!

I wish I'd been able to sleep better today...

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

You slept much better today, and the next and the next ala Rip Van Winkle and when you finally wake up you don't know anyone anymore as too much time has passed.

I wish I had bigger boobies.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Overnight your breasts grow...to 136 TTTs. Your back is in constant agony as you can't stand upright. They're so big even the most die-hard big boob fans take one look at you and say "that's just wrong!"

I wish I'd win the lottery last night...

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

You are caught in an endless time loop where you win the lottery and just get to the front door of the lottery office when you go back in time to realizing you won the lottery. You never make it through the front door.

I wish there was a rainbow out my window.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

There is a huge rainbow outside your window, along with the rest of the gay pride parade keeping you up all night with their hooting and hollering and tuba playing.

I wish I could saddle up a horse and go trail riding like cowboys in the old wild west.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Not to kill the flow here, but I've had some really imaginative and unique way to corrupt wishes but when I hit "submit" I get a stupid message saying someone else posted.

All that work for nothing.

I just want you all to know you SUCK!

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In time, this too shall pass.

Horseback riding was amazing. . . until you got bit by a rattle snake, far away from medical help.

I wish I didn't have class tomorrow morning at 8am.

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Your classes have been canceled, because the Chancellor himself has decided to expel you.

I wish my room was crammed full of naked, hot women having orgasms.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

You find yourself in a room filled with naked, hot women having orgasms.

Just then you realize there's something missing... OH NO!!!! You're a eunuch!

I wish I had a dime for every time I told that joke.

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In time, this too shall pass.

You are covered in a mountain of dimes, rolling around naked, then the police knock on your door and take you to big house and you get to know Ralph intimately.

I wish I had a chocolate cake to eat!

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

The gooiest, most delicious chocolate cake appears before you . . . but unfortunately you and the cake appear in Soviet Russia, where chocolate cake eats you!


I wish I had an Oscar Meyer wiener.

Poof! You are now married to a guy named Oscar Meyer...and he's giving you "the look", but you hate how he can never touch you in a non-sexual way...

I wish my boss wouldn't try to get me to come in for an extra shift when I've already said I wasn't interested...

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

Your boss understands your desire not to come in. He honors the request for the next fifteen minutes. He doesn't want you there for your work ethic. He's just hot for your bootie. Yeah, he is a sick puppy.

Oh, and Rodahn, your penis is now an edible sausage like product with the consistency of a stiff pudding. There is no urethra in it. You are now 100% in the always sits down half of the population.

I wish I had a Popsicle.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

You have a box of Popsicles but they melted on the way home from the grocery store.

I wish I had a puppy to love me unconditionally.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

The puppy loves you unconditionally--it feels you are THE perfect meal. When you go to sleep it sinks its sharp puppy canines and finds it loves the taste of your blood. It proceeds to devour you as you bleed your life out on the bed.

I wish could visit other planets.

You get to visit, Your Anus. Hah.

I wish I could meet Fedor "The Last Emperor" Emelianenko and pick his brains about fighting and his philosophy of life.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

You meet Fedor, but he has alzheimers and can't remember his own name let alone any philosophy of life.

I wish I was tall.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Poof you're taller, but now you can't fit inside any houses. In fact, the US military take you to a special numbered area and you're never heard from again.

I wish my life had no drama in it >.<

Your life no longer has drama. It is all comedy now, and you are the butt of every joke.

I wish I had the X-Factor mutant healing ability.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

You awake in a spandex one piece suit and find you have the healing POWER. You start your own congregation and YEA..be healed! You heal thousands then have an illicit gay affair with Juan and you are thrown out of your congregation. You move to another state and sell insurance for a living.

I wish I was wise

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

You become so wise that you cannot ponder anything at all without being distracted so long as you live amongst people.

So you move to the top of a mountain, pondering everything and nothing at the same time. Rarely, every so often you are interrupted by someone climbing your mountain to ask you questions. It's a lonely existence. You keep promising yourself that you'll get around to changing that, but there's always something new to ponder first...

I wish I had a better talent than rubber-band shooting.

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

You've developed the ability to read minds! But only cats who repetitively think deep, philosophical, life-changing thoughts but get sidetracked by, "oo shiny!" before reaching the conclusion.

I wish I could time-travel.

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You time travel back to when you were conceived but your horrid wretching startles your parents and they never finish the deed. You don't exist.

I wish they would change the rules to American Idol to allow 29-30 year olds so I could try out.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

The rules are changed to allow slightly older competitors, but when you go to try out, SImon absolutely curshes your soul and you spend the next 5 years plotting a n elaborate assassination plot, which ultimately succeeds. Millions cheer as he is shot in the head on live tv, meaning the end of American Idol forever. Networks rethink their programming decisions, and it ushers in a wave of smart, witty TV... that you can't watch. Cause you're in jail. In solitary. Cause.. y'know. Insane.

I wish it was time to go home.

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Holy shitsnacks!

The govt declares the only resolution to the overpopulation problem is to extend moose hunting and you get fatally shot in the butt by a 10 year old with a shotgun...its time to go home....

I wish I had 10 babies.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth