The Glade 4.0

You now have 10 babies! But, they're baby Yaks. And since Yaks don't do well in warmer climes, you are being forced by the government to move to North Dakota.

I wish I wasn't killed so often.

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Holy shitsnacks!

You are granted immortality, but you body is catapulted from the Earth into the vastness of space. Unable to die you suffer horrible hunger pangs, and the continual feeling of your body being shredded by exposure to a vacuum. Still, your cells regenerate as you spend until eternity sailing through the vastness of space almost-dying with every passing moment and each moment lasting a hundred lifetimes. You very rapidly go insane from the body wracking pain, and total lack of other stimulation--no sound, no taste, your eyeballs frozen; yet you cannot die.


I wish I was a demigod or other diety.

Your name is inscribed into the pantheon of deities. Forevermore your name shall burst forth from the lips of mortals struggling with hard feces. For you and you alone are The Riov Overlord of the Stiff-Bowl-Movements.

I wish I this day was over already.

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Bam, it's over! Unfortunately, we left on the fast forward button for life on a little too long and now you're a pile of dust. Think Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

I wish I didn't have to pack up all my stuff by the end of the month.

An electrical short has caused a fire at your place while you were at work. Your house, and all of your possessions have burned to the ground.

I wish I didn't have to have my cat put to sleep today.

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Holy shitsnacks!

Shazam! Your cat's youthful, and in perfect health. No corruption for the kitty (even though I have no love for them as a whole).

I wish everyone just did the right thing, dammit.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

Everyone suddenly votes like a member of the Religious Right. Corruption enough.


I wish there was a happy middle ground on the correct amount of salt for a Big Pretzel.

It never ceases to amaze me that people can't leave their **** at the door; gotta track it all over the house.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

The most perfectly salted pretzel tempts you, you are right it's perfect! then you choke on it and no one knows the heimlich.

I wish I could stay in bed longer.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

You get run over by a wild Moose in heat and become paralyzed from the waist down. Due to some medical anomoly from the way your bones were crushed and could not heal right, you cannot bend to sit and are forced to stay in bed for the rest of your life.

I wish this was implantation bleeding and not my period. (Have fun with that one, hahaha!)

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Nine months from now, a chestburster explodes from your stomach and you are declared patient zero for the Alien infestation of Earth. Your line continues and conquers the planet, devouring everything and coating the world with slimy gooey nest.

I wish I didn't feel constantly bored and uninterested in the bajillion diversions I have available to me, and intellectually want to finish/progress.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

Poof! You are a moron and are mentally challenged even remembering how to breathe.

I wish Iran would stop all progress it is making towards nuclear armament, before they are able to make a bomb.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

Israel, tired of Iran's thumbing their nose at the world, launches a preemptive nuclear strike against them. THe Arab world declares all-out war on Israel, and a terrorist nukes Tel-Aviv with a stolen Russian suitcase nuke. The US is then drawn into a furious international conflict, escalating quickly to world war 3. The Earth is turned into a nuclear wasteland as it cools around the sun.

I wish the housing market was like it was 3 years ago.

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Holy shitsnacks!

The housing market has been reset 3 years, unfortunately, the exact same collapse occurs.

I wish I was home with a beer.

You're home, with a beer.

The beer is skunky. So is all of the other beer in your fridge.

I wish I had a sandwich.

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Holy shitsnacks!

You distinctly remember that you had a sandwich, yesterday.

I wish we could all go outside and play a game of football in my back yard.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

You go outside to play football, European Football!

I wish Kirra would change her avatar, that is a creepy *** cat.

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Kirra Changes her Avatar... to Fetus Sucking Hillary in the Hat...

I wish I could take a nap.

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Holy shitsnacks!

You take a Crypto Cat nap . . . for 50 years! The USA has been taken over by Canada. You fail the Great Canadian Hardware Quiz and are put to death by maple syrup.

I wish I could find contentment in life.

Snap! You are so contented in life you gain 300lbs and they have to cut the side of your house out so they can get you to the hospital.

I wish cage fighter man was not working tonight, his multiple blows to the head make him unable to understand the word "no"

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Cage Fighter guy isn't *working* tonight, he was in a car accident and now you have to take care of him as a pt.

And he still doesn't understand "no".

I wish Kirra would win the lottery.

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Holy shitsnacks!

Kirra wins the lottery. Unfortunately, though it sounded like a good idea, she ends up suffocating in a pool of gold coins.

I wish we'd stop having spurts of rain.

It's no raining constantly with no foreseeable end in the future.

I wish I had another 3 weeks of super cold temps and powdery snowfall.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

A freak snowstorm blankets the northeast, it covers your house and you can't get out. All you can do is sit at the window and imagine snowboarding in the absolute most perfect powder.

Sorry but I wish I wasn't bored at work now resurrecting an old thread !

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

You take a fall and presto chango, you aren't a nurse at work anymore, you are a patient with a major concussion and a broken leg. You aren't bored because its the cute doctor trying to get you to focus and stay awake.

Too bad he's gay.

I wish this damn cold was over and I could go back to the mountain of paperwork at work.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones