The Glade 4.0

I thought I hit a winner of a line today.

Woman: "I don't think you really see me. I think you only see what you want to see. The Good parts."
Me: "No. I see you for all your faults. But its like looking into the sun. No matter how many spots, I'm still blinded by your brilliance."

Epic burns included?

If so, while introducing a girl from the neighboring rival town to the majority of the forensics team from my town:

"Everyone, this is Katie Knutson, proof that the Wonder Bra is not a miracle worker!"

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Once, I was a ranger
Then, I was a warlock
And a mage
And a paladin
Now, I seek to be myself

Once I ridiculed someone for publicly patting themselves on the back in an amazing display of misplaced self-importance and poor taste.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

I once told Shelgeyr, "I don't care about being your first, I want to be your last. Up until then, though... go for it!"

"You follow your dick around like a compass needle, and every time we go out it's like there's a **** magnetic storm." - Me to my roommate

"She's a bucket of sin and STD's."

"If it were possible to smoke music, I'd totally do it." - Obviously while high

"If vagina resulted in clairvoyance, you'd be the voice of our generation."

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

"this isn't a holier-than-thou attitude. This is a less-of-a-moron-than-thou attitude."

When I was a horny teen and had a tempting offer by a gal that was a bit scary, a friend told me... "If you're going to to jail for stealing a car, steal a f***ing Ferrari!" Great line, and was quite effective.

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Les Zombis et les Loups-Garous!

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

The best things I ever said?

Please, thank you, and you're welcome.

Many of the best pieces of advice I've given were most likely on some iteration of the Glade.

In the SCA there were many moments of clarity exceeding expectations. One Saturday morning at a coronation, I just went out midfield and said "Queen's Guard, Standard Announcement Number One." Within three minutes they had reported to the proper spot and started erecting the Royal Pavillion.

The Queens Guard is a group of not yet knighted fighters who have been sworn to protect the Queen. Functionally, they are the ones who put up and take down the Royal Pavillion at each camping event the King and Queen attend. It wasn't a big stretch, and a couple of them said they heard me say Queen's Guard and assumed that it was time to put up the RP.

I understand it is still used occasionally today, and that it has spread into some other Kingdoms.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

"I do." She really is a keeper. =)


In the spirit of the thread, I will relate one, but it was very much situational.

Background: I was aprroximately five and a half months into a seven month deployment and standing watch 14-20 hours a day on board the USS THACH (named after World War II LTCDR (US Navy) John "Jimmie" S. Thach).

During the daylight hours, we were sending the RIB (Rigid Inflatable Board) out with our boarding crew doing 10-15 hours of boarding and inspection of merchant vessels going into and coming out of Iraq in support of UN resolutions. Not wanting to use our standard board callsigns constant on open channels, we dubbed the RIB the Little Jimmie. I was Officer of the Deck (meaning the guy that gets in trouble when something bad happens, but didn't mind as I was Navigator too and would be in trouble for that too anyway, so I didn't mind the watch) and the Command Master Chief was my Junior Officer of the Deck. Now normally the CMC doesn't just stand watches like this, but we were down two JOs (junior officers) and the healthy ones were in the RIB as boarding officers.

So Mater Chief Korth and I start trying to come up with a new name for us to use in stead of "Thach". I pulled out the pearl of "Big Johnson". Now there is no reason for it to be ~that~ funny, but we were in tears. We could not keep a straight face for th rest of the watch (and no, we didn't use it as a callsign). At one point we almost had the snickering under control, but the CO (Commanding Officer of the ship) came up, asked, but did not understand the "Big Johnson" reference (Google Big Johnson Tools if you don't know either) and it only made it worse.

/sigh

Even now, just thinking about that experience makes me smile. Maybe it was the lack of sleep/rest (typically 8-10 hours of sleep total across each three day cycle), mabye it was the need for stress/tension relief and maybe it was my one defining moment of pure comedic genius, but no matter what, it was something special and certainly one of the best things I've ever said.


Gorse

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Gorse

"I don't want to go to NYC with you if I can't touch you" - said by me 1 week ago... this killed a friendship.

"Little known fact about werewolves: they are lactose-intolerant"

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Go back to zero, take a pill, and get well ~ Lemmy Kilmister

"She says her name is Tessa Lynn" (at 10 seconds old)..."It's a boy," "Nolan John."

"Battery, stand by.... Battery, FIRE!!"

"Let me get this straight, sir. A Buffalo is 12 feet tall and weighs over 40,000 pounds and you need me to do a Report of Survey because we lost TWO of them? Does someone think people sneak these things out of Iraq in their duffle bags?"

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

"Apparently gonorrhea in a strip club is like pink-eye in a kindergarten classroom."

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I didn't say this, but I had to share.

We were in Sunwell last night, just screwing around, and one of us died on this ramp where you fight a bunch of imps. I was on my 74 shammy(the only not 80 there), and I told everyone to just go ahead, I'll rez.

I start rezzing, and they keep putting me in combat because of the imps. So, I get bored and teabag Sym's corpse.

He says over vent "You can't teabag me with a female character."
And Kanya, one of our mages, says "Yeah, that's called Cameldipping"

Twas worth a giggle

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Holy shitsnacks!

I see a big discrepancy here, TheRiov. Perhaps you should be more tactful with women if you don't want to be snubbed?

1)Friend stole this little painted pumpkin from me and would not give it back:

Friend: "I wonder what this would taste like?"
Me: "It would taste like blood."

2) Friend kept unscrewing part of my lamp. I kept taking the piece back and putting it back together, but he kept messing with it.

Friend: "This looks like a suppository."
Me: "It's about to become one."

3) I'm driving along (speeding) and we go over an overpass, with no way from the bottom to the top of the bridge. Down below, there's a speed trap.

Passenger: "That cop's going to get you."
Me: "Yeah, when pigs fly."