The Glade 4.0

Rants and advice here please.

You always here about the teenagers that scream "I hate you" and "you're so mean" but what about the ones that refuse to give any indication of what they are feeling at all? How do you get a teen to open up when they flat out refuse to talk about anything thats bothering them?

Its like, teenagers are aliens. I swear.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

You were one once too.

Being as I'm the closest one here to that age, and having gone through something similar when I was younger...

Just be there for them. Hug them and tell them you love them. Act and be concerned, but not overly so. Methinks it will go a long way into getting them to open up more.

/hugs

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"I've got twenty ways to tell you shut the f*ck up / nineteen of them are twenty-four bars long / the other one goes: SHUT THE F*CK UP" - Aesop Rock
"There is no God higher than truth." -- Gandhi
Formerly: Tulamian

As a parent, the teenage years (and a couple after that) are the hardest to deal with.

You go from a care-giver to whatever relationship you'll have with the adult your kid is becoming, over the course of a few years... although they don't feel like just a few years.

Screaming "I hate you!" is them doing what they have to do, by the way. They've got to detach from you emotionally and become self-sufficient, emotionally. Everything about kids at that age is about becoming self-sufficient. That's a necessary but sometimes painful transition that has to be dealt with, and YOU'RE the parent, the mature adult... think about how difficult it is for them! Just be consistent. Once a kid declares "I'm an adult!" you have to deal with them as adults, from that moment on.

Of course, it's not that easy... but you're perfectly justified in asking "What's in it for me?" whenever something comes up, just as you would when another adult wants to bargain for stuff. In fact, I heartily suggest you do so, whenever they want something.

Fight to hold on to your connection with them while simultaneously letting go. Easy-peasy, right?

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In time, this too shall pass.

Yeah, I remember the "I hate you" angry phase...heh, don't think I ever grew out of that one.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Teenagers are huge drama queens..I was one myself (some say I still am :p) but my mom always told me she loved me, even when I didn't want to hear that. Lots of patience and no drama on your part is what worked for me...I gave enough drama for both of us

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

the top three thread titles just work together...

The Noose at the end of my rope, talking to strangers and raising teenagers...

had I not read the contents of each thread I would swear they were the same basic thing...

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

1) Don't say "no" just to say no. If you're inclined to say no, ask yourself why. Is it just that there are so many requests that "no" is an automatic response? Do you have some fear about what might happen? How well grounded is that fear? Are you concerned that they are not old enough or not mature enough for something? If so, is it really reaosnable, or is it just that you're still thinking of them as a child? For example, my daughter is 17. I allow her to read any book she wants, regardless of the subject matter. She's of the age where she needs to be exposed to what's out there, not protected from it.

2) When you do say "no", or otherwise make a decision like "yes, you have to go to church today", do not argue. You are not trying to convince them to do as you say. You have said so, and they are going to do it. Period. Don't entertain endless "but I don't understand why" questions. They understand just fine; they just don't want to, and the attempts to discuss it are simply attempts to nag you into changing your decision. When you allow them to do that, it just encourages such behavior in the future. You're the one paying the bills and you're taking care of them.

3) When correcting them, explain clearly what they did wrong and most importantly, what they should have done differently. Frame it in terms of how and adult will act. Remind them that they will be an adult soon and they need to start acting like it because you will not always be there to fic the problem. Our most frequent household issue with this is not taking the housekey along when going out. Conversely, when they do a good job, explain that they did a good job and why.

4) Tease them, and let them tease you back. Don't allow it to cross into disrespect or serve as a substitute for serious discussion, and by the same token don't use it to be mean, but let them see that every interaction with you is not serious. By the same token, if something is clearly bothering them, don't ask "is something bugging you?" but "what's bothering you?" If they insist that it's nothing and yet still behave irritably, make it clear that if they won't talk about whatever it is, inflicting their bad mood on everyone else won't be tolerated. Screaming fits should also not be tolerated. If they need to scream about hating you they evidently do not need to go hang out with their friends.

5) Remind them regularly that life is moving forward. Talk about the future, With high school drama, I regularly remind my daughter that, in a year, it's over, one way or the othe; don't worry too much about it. Get them thinking about things beyond here and now.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

DE, you are a good dad!

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

I forgot to say good luck Kate, persevere!

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

My dad always said "Bury em at 13, dig em up at 21!"

I agree with DE though! He has the right of it!

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"Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use one!"~ Matthew Quigley

"nothing like a little meow in bed at night" ~ Bruskey

"I gotta float my stick same as you" Hondo Lane

"Fill your hand you son of a *****!"

As a former teenager, I'd just like to say, bare with us Kate.. we do get better, eventually.

It might not seem like it, but we do love you back secretly... it's just admitting it that's difficult.