The Glade 4.0

STRESS DIET

BREAKFAST:

1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

LUNCH:

4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 c. steamed zucchini
1 Oreo cookie
Herb Tea

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:

Rest of the package of Oreos
1 qt. Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge

DINNER:

2 loaves garlic bread
1 lg. pepperoni and mushroom pizza
Large pitcher of beer
3 MILKY WAY® candy bars
Entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer

If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar they cancel each other out. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as: Hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the entire entertainment experience and not a part of one's personal fuel such as Milk Duds, Popcorn with butter, Junior Mints and Red Licorice. Calories don't count if you are standing up when you eat. Nothing counts if you don't use a plate.

Do ever want to just grab someone and say...WTF is wrong with you?