The Glade 4.0

So I caught my g/f in a lie. Not a huge one I don't think but I can't wrap my head around it. We were driving back from my brother's on Saturday and she made a call in the car. She was cursing up and down the whole time (not angrily, more like conversationally?) but that language is very out of character for her. I asked her who she was talking to and she said her Uncle but when I pressed that she doesn't talk like to her family she got very defensive.

So fast-forward to today and my cell phone bill arrives via email and in the call log it shows she was actually talking to her ex-bf's partner (he was a cop) in Milwaukee. She's called/received calls from him 121 times since June 8th. Almost all of these calls were outbound, not vice versa.

I don't want to jump to conclusions but I cannot figure it out. If she had just told me she was talking to him (or even her ex) I would've been fine but to lie about it so blatantly gives me pause.

_________________

I've had relationships that were similar. A friend's girlfriend or wife has become a friend and when their relationship with their significant other went awry, the otherwise departing female maintained a friendship with me.

However, 121 calls in less than a month, averaging more than 4 calls a day? No, not that much contact except for once - my wife asked me to break it off because the girl was not sane, not rational, and was heading for big trouble (which she eventually found) - which was why the friend she had been involved with broke it off to begin with.

Is your g/f sane? This is not normal behavior.

_________________
The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

She seems eminently sane. The bulk of the calls are 1 minute each but total up to about 9 hours (with apparently 2 hours of 1 minute calls). I am assuming that the 1 minute calls are hitting voicemail on the other end.

_________________

I'd never be able to trust after that.

_________________
In time, this too shall pass.

I'm curious as to why she's on your cell bill.

That aside, were I her, I'd be more bothered if you failed to initiate a conversation about it.

_________________
“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” - Thomas Paine

Yeah... a lie spun casually with nothing behind it would signal to me that she does it as a normal course of action without thinking about it. Compulsively. A lie spun for any other reason, when speaking with another man, indicates that she is hiding something. Neither is acceptable.

I'm with Taskiss here.

_________________

Ezekiel 23:19-20 

I think this is a little extreme, but the conversation about it would have to go well to move forward. The opener goes like this: "So I noticed you calling this number a lot, and I see that it's your ex's partner. I also notice you were on the phone with him once when I asked you straight out who you were talking to and you lied. I'm really hurt by the dishonesty, what's up?" What you want is for her to admit that it was a mistake and apologize. If she get's angry and defense THAT would be the deal breaker.

Good answer: "I'm sorry, I thought you'd be upset and it sorta snowballed on me. I've been talking to him because *insert innocent reason* and I'm glad you know now and are being reasonable about it. I won't do it again."

Bad answer: "WTF, why are you checking up on me? Can't I have any privacy? You're such a controlling *******!"


Shel and I had some issue in the beginning with him demanding to know who I was talking too.. not because he's worried about it but because he's SO DAMNED CURIOUS. It made me crazy, I felt like I was being stalked and micromanaged (and he wouldn't wait until I was off the phone, so I had to manage both conversations at once). He also did the 'where are you going?" every time I went out and got mad when I said 'running errands'. We eventually got it sorted so he asks "anything interesting?" when I'm on the phone and will wait until I hang up for details. And when I go out running errands he knows he can just call if he's worried. The only issue we have with communication right now is that I'll go out for pie with a close friend and we'll stay at VI until midnight and I'll get home and he'll say "where have you BEEN! It's LATE?". He'll stay up waiting and worrying because it's late and I didn't call, but I won't think to call because I'm not paying attention to the time and haven't changed locations. I'm still working on that one.

A casual call wouldn't be a big deal, but 121 calls ... 4 calls a day ... isn't casual. Something's going on.

_________________
In time, this too shall pass.

Or she's been trying desperately to contact him for a single purpose and keeps getting voicemail. In my mind the issue is the lying more than the calls. I agree, though... that many calls is a red flag. There's an outside chance it's innocent, but there are very few scenarios that would cover it.

Holy crap... wrong phone number... Good thing I mulled this over.

_________________

Wait, what?

_________________
“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” - Thomas Paine

The number she was calling was not the ex-boyfriend's partner's number.

Now the question is, whose is it?

dial-a-prayer
her mom
her bff
planned parenthood

Maybe Hop will tell us soon.

_________________
The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Probably Hop's google number.

I told Müs that nothing good would come from google voice...

_________________
In time, this too shall pass.

He could always call the number.

_________________

Ezekiel 23:19-20 

Or PM it to one of us and let us call.

_________________
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Its actually *my* Google Voice Number.

Thanks Camel. Way to blow it.

_________________

Holy shitsnacks!

It is her friend in Milwaukee.

_________________

Which one?

_________________
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth