The Glade 4.0

Your cold gets worse and since you have no Kleenex you use the mountain of paperwork till it's gone! You now feel better but have no job.

I wish I could read minds..

_________________


Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

You accidently read my mind and go mad within seconds. You spend the rest of your life in a straight jacket else you would tear out your own eyes to get rid of the horrible visions in your own head.

I wish for more wishes.

You wished for more wishes, but you were so overwhelmed from wishing you accidentally said, "Jeez this is hard I wish I were dead. NO WAIT...."

I wish for a bucket of oreos

_________________
"None is more important, none more legitimate, than that of rendering the people safe as they are the
ultimate guardians of their own liberty."- Thomas Jefferson

"Yeah, I'm rehearsing my poker face. I don't handle stupid well. *sigh*" - Farsky

A front loader empties it's bucket with several thousand pounds of oreos on top of you, slowly crushing you to death.

I wish I could communicate with animals.

_________________
In time, this too shall pass.

You finally are able to understand what animals are saying and talk back to them but the incessant chatter of birds, bugs, and domestic pets prevents you from sleeping at night because you are so disturbed from what they are saying. Walking down the street one day, delirious from lack of sleep and half-crazy from all the voices (do you have any idea how many ants can be on a square foot of sidewalk?) that you accidentally step out into on-coming traffic while crossing the street and get hit by a car and die.

I wish I was famous.

_________________
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

You're famous... for your pornographic appearances.

I wish I had a pilot's license.

_________________
"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Congratulations, you are now a licensed pilot. Unfortunately for you, it's 1814 and you're fighting in the Battle of New Orleans ... on the English Side.

I wish I had time to buy and restore the P-51D rotting in the back hangar of the local general aviation airport.

_________________

You now have the time to buy and restore the P-51D. Unfortunately, a propeller accident when starting it up for the very first time results in the loss of both arms at the elbow, your nose, and both legs at the knees. Then, the plane comes up off its chocks and rolls right up your fork, crushing your manly bits, coming to a rest on your chest.

You survive. Barely.

I wish getting in shape was easier.

_________________

Holy shitsnacks!

Congratulations! You are now made of clay!

I wish I could control the weather with my mind.

Oh Happy day, you now control the weather with your mind. Your therapist at the asylum is truly impressed.

I wish all Gladers a Happy and Prosperous Decade, starting today, especially the next poster.

_________________
The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Yea! I need a Happy and Prosperous Decade! and I will not corrupt this one either, since I am greedy!

I wish the 300 lb old man hadn't tried to fall so I had to catch him and now my back doesn't feel so good.

_________________


Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Whoop, your back feels better, but only because it was amputated and now you're a head in a jar.

I wish I had a private jet to fly away in.

You are the CEO of GM! You fly your private jet to Washington and everyone hates on you because you didn't drive the Chevy Malibu down. You are replaced as CEO because of all the luxuries you treated yourself too under the guise of company expenses.

I wish I had backstage passes to see 30STM.

_________________


Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

You have backstage passes to see 30STM, for last week's show in another town.

I wish I weren't sick.

_________________
The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Poof! Your recover completely and become so healthy you outlive all your friends and family and become the worlds oldest living man! You are going to be awarded the worlds book of guiness award for being so old but you trip while shuffling to answer the door and die!

I wish I had a swimming pool.

_________________


Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

You're the proud owner of a swimming pool. Unfortunatly you have several large trees in the back yard constantly showering the pool with leaves. The endless hours of maintanence, pool vacuuming, and struggles to keep PH in a safe range lead you to never have any time to actually swim.

I wish the person I spent two weeks training didn't just quit out of the blue.

The person you spent two weeks training realized the training was no good and instead of quitting walked in went postal.

I wish it only took me 5 minuted to read, enjoy and comprehend each book I read.

_________________
"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

You become the fastest reader ever, you devour books I five minutes and the contents of the books astound and enlighten you. But then you run out of books you like, and are forced to read The Twilight Series, you love the books so much you end up watching the movies over and over again and choke on popcorn at the theater.

I wish I had breakfast in bed right now

_________________


Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

You have a lovely breakfast in bed, but a previously undiscovered allergic reaction to one of the ingredients in the French Toast cause you to go into Anaphylactic Shock and you die.

I wish I could take a nap.

_________________

Holy shitsnacks!

Sadly, the nap you take is the Nebraska AIDS Project, you know this because you have to move to Nebraska, you get AIDS and you die.

I wish my body could better regulate cholesterol.

_________________
"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

You are able to get a bionic cholesterol regulating transplant from the gift of life program that allows your body to metabolize cholesterol, you no longer have to take Lipitor! But, it is harvested from a person with cirrosis..so you are now a lovely shade of glow in the dark orange!

I wish my toenails were painted pink instead of red.

_________________


Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

your toenails are painted pink, but it is with a house grade paint that soaks through the nail and dyes the flesh beneath it, driving you into a zombie like desire to feast on living flesh.

I wish I were a lovely shade of glow in the dark orange.

_________________
Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

You have gone to the new spray tanning booth and received their total body special! Your presence can be seen from 20 foot away when the lights are off! But your new look is not compatible with clothes, the glow tends to incinerate any clothes you wear, so you have to walk around naked all the time .

I wish I had more defined muscles!

_________________


Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Your muscles are now more defined... because you have a rare condition that causes your skin to turn completely transparent.

I wish I wasn't so damn tired this morning.

_________________

Holy shitsnacks!

You are no longer tired because you fell asleep at work and got fired

Now corrupt this: I wish LeBron James nothing but the best.

_________________