NephyrS wrote:
What is you rational for this? It seems a very central tenant to who you are, and I would be interested in a hearing more.
I live inside my own head... and therefore my experience is 100% important to me. It's simple logic. I only experience what my senses tell me. My own self-preservation and desires are what are most important.
Quote:
To me, it seems like you are following a great many pleasures in life- but have you considered the pleasure of helping someone else out? Making someone else feel good next to you, instead of focusing attention on yourself? There can be a great deal of pleasure in increasing the enjoyment of the lives of those around you. The more you build up others (especially those you choose to regularly spend time with) the more confidence and stability they will gain, thereby giving you more enjoyment from being around them.
Yes, I understand this. I gave a homeless man $20 the other day because I just felt like it. I sent out 2 gift cards and letters to two girls who are friends of mine (platonic).
Quote:
You certainly seem to be primarily interested in short term relationships (sexual and non), but keeping a balance between a few long term relationships/projects and short term ones can make your life more balanced, and help out with the emotional lows (discussed below).
This is true. It's difficult because the skills involved with creating new relationships can also be destructive for current relationships. I think this will come with maturity. You have a great point here.
Quote:
Lets address the paradoxes together, here:
You are picking two ends of the spectrum- the person who has high self confidence but does not act on it, and the person who has no self confidence, but acts as if they do. I would say neither is healthy.
The balance between the two is better- if you only act as though you have self confidence, but in reality are relying on the reactions of others to assure you that you are, in fact, self confident, you will not take nearly as much enjoyment out of the act due to stress over the act itself. You can have true self confidence and act on it- the difference is in the level of stress that the actions cause.
I would say the balance between the two is "less interesting". I think that always acting on this drive is very interesting. However, you need to turn it off like a switch and consider other people's feelings in order to maintain a relationship. I used to do this too much. Now I don't do it enough. It's a maturity thing. I'm working on it.
Quote:
You seem to be taking the argument that by sheer force of will and repetition you can cause the stress to decrease- that may work out in the end. But I think it is also important to, in the mean time, worry less about the responses you get from others. You are being self confident in order to attract girls, at least in part, which means the pleasure you take from your actions relies on their response (again, in part). The more you can separate their response from your enjoyment, the more you will be self confident.
It does decrease!! Facing death (at an emotional level by talking to strangers) kills stress like you wouldn't believe it!! It makes you feel so alive!
Quote:
You assume that we have not risen above the level where everything we do is about reproduction. Quite honestly, the argument behind the drive for reproduction is to pass our genetics on, correct? But genetics are nothing more than a way to be remembered, a way to have something of yourself carried on. As we now have effective methods for creating memory and change outside reproduction, why does it carry more weight than the others? If I never have children, but I teach a great many students that carry on my ideals, is that worse than having children with my genetic imprint who do not?
It's about reproductive potential. The better your quality of life (your self-confidence, your social status, your psyche, health, stress levels, etc.), the greater your reproductive potential.
Quote:
Absolutely not. I think it is better to maintain emotional highs. By rationalizing your way out of emotional lows, you create a very tenuous stability in your newly found emotional high, making it more likely to crash. Taking the extra time to accept yourself without rationalization may take longer, but it will last longer as well.
My emotional highs do crash all the time! It makes life more interesting. I don't want constant emotion. That's dull... deadening.
Quote:
Earlier I mentioned those few long term relationships, that you feed time and energy into: The point of those is essentially to create barriers or boundaries against the low points in your life. When you feed energy and time into your relationships with others, those relationships grow, the people in them grow, and the relationship will eventually be there to give back to you when you need it.
These are good points.
Quote:
You seem to wall yourself off from deep contact with others by saying that your experience matters the most. If you are being completely honest with yourself, than that is probably true- I doubt any of us can completely overcome our self preservation instincts.
It does matter the most!! It's an existential fact. I have deep contact with several people. I am the type of person who needs to jump into a deep connection or it never happens. Again maybe this is a maturity thing.
Quote:
However, in my opinion, it is still good to try to occasionally put others first- it makes you grow by becoming comfortable suppressing your more 'primal' and irrational desires, and can lead to a great deal of emotional growth. In addition, it makes it likely that you will form relationships in which others will be likely to try to put you first on occasion.
If I was to relate what I've seen about your life philosophy to economics, I would say that you are all about spending- and you need to put some savings aside.
I agree that occasionally it is good to put others first. However it should always be secondary to myself. I think that emotional savings creates stress. I don't treat people like construction projects.