The Glade 4.0

...is going to be 27 this November and the following is true about him:

Lives at home (Not to save money, he just can't afford it)
Had to take a 7 year loan to buy a (off the assembly line) new Dodge Calibur
No real social life to speak of.
A high school education.
appx. 2 semesters of Community College which he only started within the past year after much coaxing by Oonagh and I.
Works part time. (3-5 hours a day, M-F, Full paid benefits)
Quite lazy and is barely able to take care of himself as a grown man should.
Attends Sunday mass without fail. (not added as a negative, only as a supportive fact)

He just decided, (with my Mother-in-law's brand of guilt coaxing) that he is going along with the family next year on a cruise. This is being coordinated with the whole extended family (appx. 15-20) to go on this cruise. Oonagh and I aren't going to go because as it stands currently, we will not be able to afford it and having a 2 year old will complicate it further.

Suffice it to be said that this cruise is not in his budget and he is now putting off his next semester of school to save that money for it. I don't know if he will be going back next semester, but my suspicions is that he is using this as an excuse to not go back. We will have to see.

OK, Oonagh and I have been concerned for him for a long while because he is comfortably stuck in his rut and is perfectly happy sleeping till 10am every day, playing PS3 for most of the day, taking a nap, going to work and coming home for more PS3 and probably some fetish porn.

His computer was dead for the past two months and I tried initially to restore it, but was unsuccessful. (I couldn't find the factory restore partition) He has been using his mother's PC for all his Farmville and Facebooking and she was getting tired of this. I was once again asked to try to take care of the PC. Having my head in the right place, I was able to take care of it. I needed a little reminder from Support.Dell.com to find the way to the aforementioned restore partition. He is PC saavy, less so than me, but still more than a basic user. Did he think to look up the support to get his PC fixed, no. One more thing in his long line of laziness.

This has occasionally been a topic Oonagh and I have discussed with her parents as they seem to be concerned, but do nothing to make this boy grow up and take responsibility as a man. Things may change as both parents are now newly retired and I don't think my Father-in-law is going to stand for his son's laziness much longer.

Anyway, last night Oonagh and I were talking to her mother once again about this as I was slightly irritated that once again, he showed his lack of caring about anything as long as his PS3 is working. When we brought up his lack of motivation, laziness, and so on, my mother-in-law challenged Oonagh with the following:



We have decided that we are no longer much concerned with what he does with his life. My mother-in-law is so pious that she believes that faith will take care of all. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with how anyone worships and for many faith is a fine thing. His life is amounting to not much and he takes no responsibility for himself, instead finding ways to blame mom or dad.

With my Mother-in-law's off the wall statement about faith and church attendance when we were talking about his development as a man and the taking on of responsibilities, we are done even caring. He will find out the hard way that life is not as easy as he believes it is.

Grow up!

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

Sad to say, the crutch won't support him his whole life. I'm in the "prepare them for being on their own" parenting style camp myself.

Be prepared for the time when he comes around looking for a place after his care givers pass.

As far as the church thing goes, there's always the old saw... "God helps those who help themselves". Point out that the 27 yr old isn't helping himself.

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In time, this too shall pass.

Where he sits on Sunday mornings is less important than where he sits in his heart (in faith and in his life). You know this. If your MIL chooses to believe that everything is perfect because he manages a single weekly visit and she wants to support him forever that's her deal. Keep in mind that when she's old and needs a caretaker that it's you she'll be coming to because he'll have drained her dry.

I am torn. I did the school/work thing and busted that out but looking back I wish I had taken the time and spent the money to go with my family to Europe. For me there is no right answer, obviously he needs to turn his life around but I can't fault someone for being family focused and living in the moment.

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I think I just watched an episode of "My Name is Earl" about this same guy.

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The Dude abides.

In the absence of Screeling's offer, I suggest amputation.

He should join the Navy!

/hugs

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“The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.” - Pearl S. Buck

Each person has to live their own life.

If he's perfectly happy doing what he's doing now, why should that bother you or Oonagh in the slightest, provided it doesn't directly cause you harm.

Apparently his Mom is ok with him living at home and leeching of her, so more power too them.

Perhaps one day he'll wake up and try and apply himself, but that is a decison that he needs to make for himself. No one else can make it for him.

I was going to say something along the lines of, "Foamy, what the ****?" but then I finished reading your post and did a couple of air punches 'cause you made the right decision.

I wonder if the mother-in-law's comment was less about actually going to church, and more about her protective instinct seizing on what is, according to your description, the one redeeming quality he holds.

Not only is this her son, but it sounds like its a relatively frequent topic of conversation and perhaps she is feeling some guilt about being an enabler of this behavior.

Part of her "problem" is that she thinks faith is all you need. She believes that had her other son had faith, he would have have overcome his crippling depression and not committed suicide. She is clinging to her other son with a death grip for fears that she could lose another child.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

That was going to be my take on it....at this stage in her life, there is not much you can do to get her to modify her parenting....all you can do is be as loving and supportive as possible while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Be prepared to see a lot of unfair treatment towards the 'lazy brother' while you and your wife continue to be responsible and work hard for everything....fortunately, that's what good friends and beer are for!;)

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

I have one question that could be posited.... it is a bit of a douchey question to ask though...

So when Sunday rolls around: Is he capable of giving his tithe?

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

ROFL. DS FTW.

You tried. Let those directly involved deal with it now.

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Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

15% of $10 is a buck fifty. That's not an unbearable hardship. Besides, the church has free coffee after the service, so he basically makes it back by going anyways.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades