The Glade 4.0

I looked at this yesterday, I tried to find a positive aspect, I couldn't. Mostly I came up with what Corolinth just said, perhaps a little less plainly and in your face. Your mom is only sticking around so that she can have her bills paid at this point.

My concern right now is that you need to get your father away from your mother.

If he is at the point where he is telling you about it, that may be because he wants you to understand why he did what he is about to do. Corolinth is right, get Dad to a therapist.

You don't want to end up on the evening news, either as the grieving son or as collateral damage.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Support your dad and sister. Get your dad some therapy if possible and if he is willing. Most of my concern is for you three.

Oddly enough I do have a bit of pity for your mom. The same kind of pity when you see a train wreck in progress, caused by the individual's own stupidity. In the end she will be alone (the other guy won't be there!) and despised and she will know it was all her own fault. If that is not a part of hell, I don't know what is.

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Memento Vivere

I have local knowledge.
That sandbar was not there yesterday!

This is exactly what I'm trying to do at the moment. It is quite a pity to witness the train wreck. I know it's not going to end well for her. In order for my Dad to move on, as well as my Sister and I to do so, her sh** is going to have to hit the fan and air out. This means she'll have to face her nasty reality, and it's going to explode in her face in a matter of no time. I'll be there for her as well, considering she's my Mom, but it's going to be up to her to change her lifestyle in order to rebuild our relationships with her.

Through my advice, I think I finally convinced my Dad to stop being such a walkover. He's going to be confronting her on the issue Saturday, when she has her next day off. He's going to bring it to her attention just how concerned hew own children are for her behavior, and mention how he's had to cover for her actions to her own children. Personally, I think it'll have an impact, but not coming out of his mouth. I told him I think it'd be best to just get the hell out of this situation entirely, but he wants to try to guilt her on the kids thing first. At least he's finally standing up for himself. He only confronted her on the affair thing one time, but he's been a pushover every single day since. Now he realizes it's not going to do him any good to keep getting walked over.

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Here's something to point out to your father. You're an adult.

Guilting your mother on "the kids thing" isn't going to work out the way your father thinks. You're not children. You won't be raised in a broken home if she just up and leaves him. There is no more keeping the family together for the sake of the kids.

Would it suck for me if my parents divorced? Yes, it would. Are they going to consider that if things came to a head? No. They're done raising me. They aren't responsible for my welfare anymore, I am. They're interested in my welfare, and concerned about it, but they aren't responsible for it. That's the boat you're in. Your mother and father aren't responsible for your welfare.

It says a lot about your father that he's still thinking about how this could impact you and your sister. It sounds like he's a really good guy, and tried his hardest to be a good father. He sounds like he deserves something better than the situation he has now. It's okay for him to think about himself, now. He's raised a family, you're adults, and he doesn't have to fall on this grenade for your sake.

Your father loves your mother, and he wouldn't have married her otherwise. He's also been with her for so long, he really doesn't know how to not have her in his life. He's going to rationalize trying to keep her any way that he can. As for your mother, it could go either way. Maybe she hasn't loved him for fifteen years, or maybe she just went crazy. Either way, staying with her is **** him up. If they do remain married, it's going to take some serious counseling. What you need to do is strip away the excuses to stay with her:

Doing it for the kids - No, not anymore. The kids are grown.
Doing it to keep the family from falling apart - Family's already **** up.
Family's always been number one in her eyes - If it was, she wouldn't be going to Cancun half a dozen times per year.

They're excuses. They're things he comes up with to prevent himself from seriously asking himself whether he still loves your mother. He doesn't want to think about that, because he's afraid of the answer. He's afraid of both finding out he doesn't, and also finding out he does. Whichever way he answers that question doesn't matter - both results terrify him. Your dad also needs to come face to face with the issue of whether he still loves your mother, but he won't do it as long as he's got an excuse to avoid it. You and your sister need to keep knocking those down.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

I've thought about this, and what the heck, I'll share my suggestion...

Stay out of it. No good will come from your involvement. Be there for both your parents. You gotta take care of you, and the best way to do that is to have as good a relationship with them individually as you're able.

I'd not want my kids involved in my relationships. It sucks enough that in the past I had to go through the ups and downs, but there's nothing they could have done to help.

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In time, this too shall pass.

I was leaning towards that route myself Tas, but since dad reached out to the kids he is involving them. By using them in his discussion with mom he is throwing them into the middle of it.

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My Mom's issues extend beyond her relationship with my Dad. That's the only reason I feel obligated to be involved to some extent. I don't care what happens with their relationship. That doesn't change the fact that my Mom has major issues that need to be addressed.

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With young children, that would be true. For something like this probably not even teenagers. When kids get to be into their mid-20s however, they need to know. In many cases they may be more in a position to bring sanity to the situation than either parent.

Regardless, really sorry to hear all this Roophus. I wish I could think of something more helpful to say.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."