Lex Luthor wrote:
I am now realizing that I need a dramatic shift in my thinking. I should focus more on giving value to others in my interactions with them. Or at least try to. I want others to feel better about themselves after I interact with them. If I do this all solely for myself, I will just feel like a selfish person who is closed off to others. It is not a place I want to be.
If you're serious about this, then good luck dude. Thats an amazing turnaround.
Two things I'd say, from my experiences:
1) Stop trying to be thing king of sparta. You're never going to be a superman, and trying to be one will just lead to you throwing up a superman shell for others that you don't believe in; it's ok to need some things from others; dont try to be bulletproof. It's also ok that they may need some things from you; don't take advantage of that, or see it as a way to manipulate them.
2) If you genuinely learn to interact with both honesty
and empathy (*) for others you'll do ok; that doesn't mean that because someone wants or needs something from you you sacrifice any of your own needs to provide it and become a martyr, and it doesnt mean because you need or want something from them you sacrifice all their own needs and become a monster.
Just find a balance where you're not hurting folks, and both you and they feel better about yourselves at the end of the interaction; sometimes that'll be coffee, sometimes ap olitical debate, sometimes fooling around in the park fountains, and maybe, one day, you'll find someone the balance is good enough with that it becomes a real relationship.
Make each other better people, and dont hurt others thoughtlessly... you'll do ok.
Good luck. I hope you manage it rather than trying, finding it hard, and retreating into the safety of your projected shells again.
(*) I have some 'player' friends who are total dicks about this. They're "honest" up front with folks they know want/need/hope for more, and then say that legitimises any damage done because they were always open about how they were going to be. No, it does not make being a douche and hurting folks ok if you tell them before hand.